Light up a yule log for global warming

In case there is any doubt, I wish to say that I believe the whole furor over global warming is a complete, unequivocal farce. I do not believe for one moment man is causing global warming, if indeed the Earth is warming at all.

I am forever amazed at the scientific proclamation claiming Earth’s atmospheric temperature has risen .2 degrees or .4 degrees, etc.

Listen, in the year 2008, these same scientists predicted we would have one of the worst hurricane seasons in the history of mankind. At the end of 2008, we had the least hurricane activity of almost any year since records have been kept. These same scientists then said that 2009 would be very active, and again it was not. They can’t even predict the yearly cycle of hurricanes or, for that matter, whether or not it will be wet or dry next year in the Southeast. Yet, they wish to claim they can prove the Earth’s temperature is increasing and that it is somehow caused by mankind.

With all this said, I have been known to be wrong on a few occasions, such as my prediction that the eight-track tape was far superior to all other musical recordings and that it would never be overtaken by cassette tapes. I also firmly predicted, after seeing water in a bottle in San Francisco in the early ’80s that no one in their right mind would pay to buy water and this was only a trend for trendy places like San Francisco. So, in the event I am incorrect about global warming, I actually think there is nothing to fear from global warming and it should be a good thing.

There are many more countries covered by ice that are uninhabitable, than there are areas that will become uninhabitable because the Earth heats up.

As an example, Canada currently has 32 million people and is the second largest geographical country in the world. Most of these people are holed up in two or three major cities and providences. The vast majority of Canada is uninhabited because it is covered with snow and ice. If we could warm the earth up about 10 or 15 degrees, then a whole lot of folks could simply all move over to Canada in this new virgin territory.

Now, on the other end of the spectrum, the warming of the Earth would cause sea levels to rise, and places like Miami would be flooded and wiped off the map. See, it’s a win-win. Canada grows and we get rid of Miami. In a way, it would be a strange twist because Canada would grow, and at the same time a large number of Canadians, who generally stay in Miami, would be wiped out along with most of the rest of south Florida.

Russia would also gain enough ground to hold all of the United States and China combined. By the way, Russia is the largest geographical country in the world. So, we might lose New York City to flood water, and it might become too hot to live in Los Angeles. So what. We’d gain inhabitable area well over twice the size of the United States and at the same time get rid of the Krips, Bloods and Rodney King.

Just think, North and South Dakota would be booming. The Mideast would heat up such that all those terrorist riding around with suicide bombs would spontaneously explode, pretty much evaporating that whole region of the world. Sweden, Norway and Iceland would flourish. Not a bad trade off if you think about it.

This Christmas I’m lighting a burn pile, driving a SUV and idling at the drive-through. Look out Canada, here I come.

Contact columnist T. Gamble at [email protected].