The (halftime) show must go on ... and on

Photo by Vicki Harris

Photo by Vicki Harris

Being a big college football fan, I attended the SEC Championship game between Auburn and South Carolina. Also being an Auburn fan, I enjoyed the game immensely.

But during halftime, I began to wonder when did it become written in stone that every halftime must include a marching band? Now, before I receive a deluge of complaints, understand I like halftime bands just fine and all the folks in them.

With that said, couldn't just once in a while halftime change things up a bit. Couldn't we maybe have some dogs doing tricks, you know, like jumping through fire hoops and riding a bicycle?

Or, perhaps we could have an occasional Sumo wrestling match. I'm not overly interested in Sumo wrestling, but I'd probably like it OK for the 20 minutes it takes halftime to be over.

You know, I'd settle for midget wrestling, although in today's politically correct world, I guess it would be labeled "Little People Wrestling." I'd even be ok if they brought out a few washed-up stars to sing a few tunes. Let's say, Tony Orlando and Dawn could sing "Knock Three Times" or Captain and Tennille could sing "Muskrat Love." After hearing "Muskrat Love," I suspect both football teams would come out fighting mad.

How about a 20-minute comedy act? More than once I've needed something to lighten the mood after watching my team get shelled in the first half.

The thing I've really noticed about marching bands is they always play some type theme for halftime and it is usually based upon either (1) Broadway musicals, (2) movie theme songs or (3) TV theme songs.

Now I don't know about you, but I haven't exactly filled my iPod with any of these three categories. When is the last time you said, "Boy, I can't wait to play the theme song from 'Lassie' and then follow it up with 'Laverne & Shirley'"?

The band for the SEC championship played theme songs from TV and movie Westerns. I correctly guessed they would play the theme from "Bonanza," but they left off "Gunsmoke." I would have been OK with the entire show if they had played "Rawhide." Instead, they played the theme from "Blazing Saddles."

If they wanted to play Western theme songs, they should have taken a break in the middle and had a gunfight on the 50-yard line or brought out some wagon trains and let the Indians attack them.

The second band decided to play a tribute to "The Flintstones" theme song. I left disappointed they didn't play "The Jetsons" theme song as well. I suppose I like the Flintstones as well as the next guy, but I don't want to listen to 20 minutes of it. More times than not, the band also plays at least one James Bond song. I don't know why, but every band feels the need to play the theme from "Diamonds are Forever."

Occasionally, the bands will decide to play current contemporary rock songs. There is really nothing that can get your blood running like listening to a marching band play "Born To Be Wild" or "I Can't Get No Satisfaction."

Oh well, I guess I shouldn't complain. Auburn won and is going to the national championship and the bands always have a host of good looking majorettes.

If I want to see some wrestling, I guess I'll just have to go to the fair.

Contact columnist T. Gamble at t@colliergamble.com.