It seems that every day I read of some revered monument or historical place which has been destroyed or, worse yet, had the name changed from the original person honored to some newer, in vogue candidate. I am deeply concerned about this trend, but the latest news I have read in the Wall Street Journal, in an article by Barry Newman, is almost too much to bear.
It seems that a beloved bust of Dr. Alexander Skene, located in Brooklyn, N.Y., at the Grand Army Plaza, which has been there since 1906, will soon be replaced by a bust of Abraham Lincoln.
I am outraged by this slight to Dr. Skene.
First and foremost, Abraham Lincoln was not born in New York but Kentucky. I know of no historical record that he ever set foot in Brooklyn, N.Y. Besides, hasn’t Lincoln got enough monuments already? My gosh, go to Washington, D.C., and there is the Lincoln Memorial with a statue big enough for the entire Duggar family to sit in his lap. He’s also got the penny and the five dollar bill. He’s got towns named after him all over the country, including Lincoln Neb., and a fairly fancy car, a Ford Lincoln, which may soon be as dead as he is. All in all, I’d say Abe Lincoln has enough already.
On the other hand, how many towns have you seen named after Dr. Alexander Skene? The man finally got one bust placed in a small park in Brooklyn and now some do-gooders want it replaced. Well, you probably don’t even know what great feat Dr. Skene accomplished in order to receive this designated place in the park. You see, Dr. Skene was a gynecologist. He discovered a body part, known as the Skene’s glands, which, according to Dr. Skene and most other recognized experts, is vital to the functioning of the elusive “G” spot.
I realize you may not know who Dr. Skene was, but if you don’t know about the “G” spot, then I can’t help you. Quite frankly, I don’t even know if I’m yet aware of the A, B, C, D, E, or F spot, but I’m told the G spot is very important.
I’d dare say that Dr. Skene is probably the only gynecologist to have a statue of him erected in the entire country. I mean, let’s face it, Dr. Skene discovered something that supposedly guarantees satisfaction of the female species. I’m no expert, but looking at Abe Lincoln, I doubt he could make the same claim.
Until I read this article about Dr. Skene, I thought the guaranteed way for satisfaction of the female was the purchase of a yacht, diamond ring and an island. How else can anyone explain Donald Trump having married at least two supermodels? I’m pretty sure they didn’t marry him for his hairstyle or his modesty.
Nevertheless, Dr. Skene said forget about all those material things. Now there is much talk about where will Dr. Skene’s statue be moved to.
I’d suggest that Hugh Hefner buy the statue and put it in front of the Playboy mansion. What better testament to this man for his great accomplishments? As an interesting side note, the person who designed the statue for Dr. Skene ended up marrying his 60-year-old widow. The designer was 38 years old at the time he married the 60-year-old widow. To my knowledge, there is still no word yet as to whether or not the designer found the G spot, but at least he married the woman who was married to the man who did.
Contact columnist T. Gamble at firstname.lastname@example.org.