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Love is da bomb (threat)

Photo by Vicki Harris

Photo by Vicki Harris

Valentine's day will soon be upon us and it is nice to be loved, if you are loved, although sometimes maybe there is too much love. According to The Associated Press, Grace Guajardo, of Santiago, Chile, just might have carried love a wee bit too far.

It seems that Grace's boyfriend, Rodrigo Gomez, decided to take a job on a cruise ship, which departs from Madrid Spain. He would be required to be a waiter on the ship for many months before returning home and was flying to Madrid.

Grace was unhappy about this long separation and decided to take matters into her own hands. I guess she could have tried sending him flowers or suggesting a romantic bedroom encounter to delay his departure, but Grace is way too clever for such routine maneuvers.

Instead, she simply called in a bomb threat to the airport. As plans go, I'd say this one probably needed a little more thought as to the details, but at least it did succeed in the main objective -- Rodrigo did not make the flight to Madrid.

Neither did any of the other 311 people on board because the plane was grounded, searched by dogs and the flight canceled.

Grace, of course, was arrested and charged with making a false bomb threat. On the bright side, she did get to be with Rodrigo after posting bail.

For his part, he said, "I can't be angry, I have to support her. What she needs is love, nothing more."

No Roddy ol' boy, I'd say she needs a little more than love. How about a trip in the short bus where she can draw some pictures for the nice doctor in the white suit? Maybe some Valium and a monitoring ankle bracelet would be nice.

I don't know. I should be proud someone loves so deeply. If I called a bomb threat to keep my wife from going on a trip, she'd call 911 and ask I be arrested. She'd then come to the trial and make a victim impact statement, asking for the max. As mad as she would be, I might agree and ask for it myself.

I can also tell you if I were planning to be gone for a month or two, she'd probably pack my bag, drive me to the airport, watch to make sure the plane took off, all the while whistling "Born Free." Let's face it, when discussions were held that either I or the dog needed to go, my little boy couldn't decide whether he would rather keep me or my rat terrier Levi. And to tell you the truth, judging by the look in his eye, I think he was leaning toward Levi.

I may not be Rodney Dangerfield, but I'm not too far behind him either. I guess I'm not alone though. I had a good friend whose girlfriend broke up with him. He wanted to woo her back and he is a good singer so he hooked a flatbed trailer to his truck, pulled into her driveway at night, and began to serenade her with songs of unabashed loyalty and heartfelt love. She called the cops and had him arrested.

I don't really know, maybe Roddy has something I don't. I can't imagine what, given that I am an almost perfect physical specimen ... well, except for the no hair situation, and maybe a little gut, and the fact I'm built about like Barney Fife, only not as muscular.

What the heck, let them have each other. I'll probably never be romantic enough to call in a bomb threat. But hey, those shaker weights I bought my wife for Valentine's day are likely a close second.

When she gets 'em, we may have a real bomb threat.

Contact columnist T. Gamble at t@colliergamble.com.