As I write this, I'm staring at Camelback Mountain, from the Camelback Inn, in Scottsdale Ariz.
Suffice to say, I'm still basking in the glory of Auburn's hard fought National Championship victory. I won't belabor the victory here. I'll wait until I get home and do so in person.
Oregon played a great game and it was one of those contests where it's a shame anyone had to lose. With this obligatory showing of good sportsmanship now out of the way, what in God's name makes a college football team decide to select a duck as a mascot?
College mascots should be feared, like snarling bulldogs, tigers, elephants, snakes and Al Gore. I mean, if I had to list all known animals in the animal kingdom from most to least feared, a duck would not be near the top. I guess it might rank above a dove, but it would still be below a turtle, a rabbit and a worm.
In the food chain, all I know that fears a duck is a grasshopper and a kernel of corn. If I were locked in a small room with a bulldog, lion or tiger, I'd be pretty damn concerned. Absent God intervening, like he did for Daniel, which in my case is pretty darn unlikely, the end would be near.
On the other hand, I could ride around in a VW bug with a duck without one time thinking I might need divine intervention to survive.
The only worse mascot in college football is the Syracuse Orange. It once was the orange men, but political correctness ran amuck, Syracuse blinked, and now they yell, "Go Orange!"
What in hell is an Orange? Are they talking about the fruit? Will FSU soon become the Melons instead of the Seminoles? Somehow the sight of Chief Osceola riding into the stadium on his white horse and busting a watermelon on the 50-yard line seems unlikely to rile the masses.
Then again, I am talking about FSU, and if it's night and they're liquored up, they might like it.
Oh well, I'll float back to Southwest Georgia on Cloud 9. I'll still fear the bulldogs, gators, and elephants, but not the ducks.
Contact columnist T. Gamble at firstname.lastname@example.org.