The biggest news in perhaps the last 20 years hit this past week requiring the President to make a special speech to the United States citizens. I mean, of course, President Obama's explanation for why he was not invited to the Royal Wedding in England. As most of the world knows, William and Kate were married and the President was snubbed.
But, more of that in a moment. The actual historic moment was the fact that Obama finally managed to do that which Bush could not, and catch Osama. More exactly, kill Osama. I whole heartenly applaud the Navy Seals and anyone else involved in getting rid of Osama.
Imagine, all these years I have been told he was hiding in a cave, probably living off of roots and berries, and moving from location to location. Low and behold, he is found in a major military town in the middle of Pakistan, living in the lap of luxury with one of his young wives. Now remember, Osama claimed that he was against the West because of the capitalistic ways in which people greedily tried to obtain money and lived lavish life styles for which he did not approve. So, I guess we can add hypocrite to a long list of major faults of Osama.
Although I approve entirely of the killing of Osama, I cannot say I was all that thrilled to hear that they buried his body at sea. If I had been President and managed to have Osama killed, I would have brought his body home, stuffed it, and placed it in the Smithsonian Museum in a special section entitled the War on Terror. If some find this distasteful and not appropriate for a United States Museum, I would open a private museum and find whoever bought Trigger and Bullet from the Roy Rogers Museum, buy Bullet and Trigger, and then place Osama strategically under Bullet and Trigger as they relieve themselves into eternity onto Osama.
But, thankfully, I'm not President, and the President had the good sense to know this would probably lead to more bombings, suicide cars, etc. As we are often warned, "we do not wish to stir up or make the radical Muslims mad or they might commit car bombings, assassinations, etc." Lord knows, they never do these type things without provocation.
Now, for the most compelling news of the week, I guess everyone knows William and Kate are now married. I must confess I do not understand this whole royalty thing. Most developed nations have not had a King or Queen in centuries. The United States has never had royalty, although we do have Angelina and Brad, Kate Plus 8, and the Duggar Family. Come to think of it, maybe we do need to have some royalty.
At any rate, I see where everyone swoons over the fact that William landed beautiful Kate and how wonderful it must be, etc. Let's face it, if these folks weren't designated royalty at birth, given millions of dollars each year from the British government, along with substantial land holdings and the use of castles and houses all over Europe nobody would be excited about them at all. Has anyone looked at Prince Charles? He's short, almost bald, has a big nose, and is so boring he makes Al Gore look exciting.
I doubt Prince Charles, if he worked for say UPS, could get a date if he waited outside a women's sex addiction clinic. Heck, he's the Prince of England and threw away his marriage to Princess Diana to be with his mistress, Camilla Bowles, who on a looks scale falls somewhere between Rosie O'Donnell and Rosanne Barr.
Oh well, I'm glad they snubbed Obama, otherwise he might have been at the wedding and we'd still have Osama.
Contact columnist T. Gamble at firstname.lastname@example.org.