Americans should have the right to save face

Photo by Vicki Harris

Photo by Vicki Harris

I recently read where actress Kate Winslet, Rachel Weisz and Emma Thompson announced they have formed what is described as the “British Anti-Cosmetic Surgery League.” Ms. Winslet is quoted as stating, “I will never get any, it goes against my morals, the way that my parents brought me up and what I consider to be natural beauty.”

She was, of course, talking about cosmetic surgery. I’m not sure what she meant concerning “my morals,” considering every movie I have ever seen her in she ended up naked, God bless her, but I am not sure she has exactly established a beachhead of moral values.

She went on to say, “I am an actress, I don’t want to freeze the expression of my face.” Thompson joined in by saying “I’m not fiddling about myself, we’re in this awful youth-driven thing now where everybody needs to look 30 at 60.” Not to be outdone, Weisz said, “People who look too perfect don’t look sexy or particularly beautiful.”

Well, my, my, my, three of the most beautiful women on the planet, who are ultra wealthy movie starlets, decide cosmetic surgery is not needed. That is sort of like Jane Russell announcing she was against breast enhancement. It is pretty easy to be against something you don’t need to begin with.

Let’s face it, Winslet will probably look good at 60. Thompson’s 52 and she looks about 25. Wiesz is 41 and could pass for 25. The last thing we need is a bunch of movie starlets announcing no one needs plastic surgery. Have any of them been to Walmart lately? Well, duh huh, come to think of it, I guess they probably haven’t been. Unfortunately, I have. A lap-band surgeon could sign up enough clients to perform 10 surgeries a day for the next 10 years in one day at Walmart. Kate Winslet may not need help, but 75 percent of the rest of America sure does.

It’s sort of like a trust-fund baby bragging that he’s never bought a car on credit because it make sense only to purchase a car with cash to avoid the finance charges. Or the same inheritance kid bragging that he always pays his credit card bill in full. To tell the truth, I think they should form an “American Forced Cosmetic Surgery League.” The government seems hell-bent on spending all my tax money on foolish programs, why not add one more that would at least give me some benefit?

From now on, I say free boob jobs to any woman who feels it is needed. Just to be fair, if you need a boob reduction we’ll give you that, too. Showing how fair and balanced I am, and that I would never let my personal desires get in the way of the national good, men should also receive free hair transplants. No need to stop there, however, add free nose jobs, eye jobs, tummy tucks, and whatever else we need to improve Americans’ looks.

Let’s face it. Life is hard enough without going day to day ugly. Most things can be fixed, but not stupid, and not ugly ... but we can try.

I’ll be the first to say that I would rather be waited on at the convenience store by someone who looked like Kate Winslet than the usual choice I incur. I’m sure most women would rather see a lawyer that looked like Tom Cruise than someone like me.

Let’s improve public morale, stimulate the economy (or at least me) and beautify America. I’m sure this stimulus program will work; nine out of 10 plastic surgeons agree.

Contact columnist T. Gamble at t@colliergamble.com.