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If you must drink too much, wear pants

T. Gamble

T. Gamble

There are many mysteries in the universe for which there seems to be no answer. How did they build the great pyramids and why? How did all those huge statues end up on Easter Island? And why was Randy Travis riding around in Sherman, Texas, drunk and naked?

Now, I understand it’s not the right thing to do, but I could sort of see where he might have been riding around with one or two drinks more than he should have had. If I made a full confession — but we don’t have enough newsprint for that — I’m sure there was probably a time or two when I might have been in that predicament. Well, maybe more than a time or two. Heck, let’s forget the math and just say that these type things can happen occasionally.

But driving around naked while intoxicated is an entirely different story.

You may remember that Randy was also arrested back in February of this year, parked in a vehicle in front of a church in Sanger, Texas, which is located about 20 miles from where Randy Travis lives.

Sherman, Sanger ... apparently Randy likes to roam when he gets liquored up.

He was charged with public intoxication in that incident and, as an excuse, said that he had just been involved in an argument with his girlfriend. As everyone knows, if you are a country singer and a girl breaks up with you, the first thing you must do is get drunk.

Come to think of it, if you are a country singer, you also must get drunk if you win a race, have a death in the family, get a job promotion or find out that gas dropped 2 cents a gallon the day before.

I’m not sure, however, what has to happen to make a country singer ride around naked, but if anyone finds out, let me know so I can give Carrie Underwood a ride.

Further complicating the entire event is the fact that Texas officials report Travis was “combative at the scene” at the time of his arrest. I would like to go on public record as stating that in the unlikely event I am found naked in public, or anywhere else I am not supposed to be, I may do many things, but combative will not be a word to describe my behavior.

Most likely the police report would simply state all that was seen of me was elbows and rear end as I sprinted from the area. You see, I can not imagine a full scale brawl while in the nude.

But none of this seems to have much affect on poor Randy. In fairness, news reports state he is going through a messy divorce after a 19-year marriage. His wife filed for divorce and Randy countersued in May, accusing his wife of “divulging confidential information about him in order to damage his reputation and career.”

Apparently Randy is not satisfied with his wife’s efforts and has decided to speed up the process concerning his reputation. Why allow a spurned wife to make up stuff when the truth is even better?

I’m hopeful Randy will bounce back. Stranger things have happened. Look at Britney Spears. George Jones got drunk for 10 years and wrote, “He stopped Loving Her Today.” I don’t know if he was naked when he wrote it.

Maybe Randy can do the same, well, except maybe cut down a little on the 10-year thing. He earlier wrote “Picking Up Bones,” so how about “ She Stripped Me Down To The Bone”?

Sure to be No. 1.

Contact columnist T. Gamble at t@colliergamble.com.

Comments

waltspecht 2 years, 2 months ago

First off, good job on the weight loss. Saw you at Fox's and had a hard time recognizing you. Now I believe besides being drunk, any of those provocations should have also led to a new song.

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Gabrielblows 2 years, 2 months ago

New Randy Travis song: "I Hate to See You Go, but I love Watching You Leave!"

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