What the spin on goat smart?

Features columnist

Photo by Vicki Harris

Photo by Vicki Harris

She said it with such conviction, such authority, without an ounce of question, that I couldn't help but think it was true.

"That woman hasn't got the sense God gave a goat," the older woman said matter of factly, speaking one afternoon to her lunchtime companions. One of them laughed, the other looked confused.

"Does that mean she's smart or she's not?" another asked and the gentleman of the group offered his two cents.

"We used to have a goat," he said. "Growing up, on our farm. One day that goat ate daddy's hat, then opened up the gate and left. We never saw him again. Didn't nobody mess with daddy's hat, so that goat knew he'd best leave while the leavings good. Now, that's pretty smart."

The older woman shushed him.

"I didn't mean it as a compliment, dear," she clarified. "I meant she doesn't have good sense. Not good at all."

And that was that.

I don't know this goat-intelligence-lacking individual they were talking about and don't particularly care to. I know enough people who don't have the good sense God gave a goat and others who are dumb as dirt,some as smart as hogs and smart as whips, and, quite frankly, some who don't have enough sense to come out of the rain. Varying forms of intelligence make the world go 'round.

But I wondered — where exactly do I fall in?

I would not call myself the sharpest knife in the drawer or the brightest bulb on the tree. When God was giving out smarts, I wasn't at the front of the line, that's for sure. I was probably somewhere near the middle, talking too much. I got some, at least, which is pretty good considering I've known some folks in my life who were most assuredly in the bathroom and missed out completely.

I am smarter than my dog. Okay, so maybe not all the time, but most of the time. Okay, sometimes.

Recently, I was asked if I am a right-brain person or a left-brain person. I immediately thought, "Isn't my brain in the middle of my head?" Good thing I kept that thought to myself.

There's a so-called test on the Internet you can take to see if you think with your right brain or your left brain. It's of a dancer, standing straight with one leg pointed off the ground as she spins around. If you see her going clockwise, you are said to use more of the right side of your brain. Counter clockwise, you're said to use the left side more. Apparently, some people can focus and see her change direction, meaning you're both brained and maybe extra smart.

According to the highly scientific dancer woman spinny test, I am right-brained, sometimes left-brained, but mostly right-brained. I'm just thankful I didn't look and see her lying down taking a nap.

Never me mind. I am comfortable with my smarts, however they may be. I honestly believe I'm smarter than a goat. And my dog ...

Maybe not all the time, but most of the time. Okay, okay ... sometimes

Contact columnist Mandy Flynn at flyn1862@bellsouth.net.