In the never ending effort to pretend that everyone is exactly the same and to prove that no one can say anything about anybody without being either prejudiced, stereotyping, or profiling, I see where a petition has been made to Easy- Bake Oven to include boys on their boxes in advertising.
This effort has been made innocently enough by a 13-year-old girl because her younger brother wishes to receive an Easy-Bake Oven for Christmas.
Listen, I have no problem with a boy receiving an Easy-Bake Oven if that is what he wants for Christmas. I do, however, have a problem with people thinking they should pressure a toy manufacturer into advertising so that it shows “equality” so that some boxes have boys on the front and others have girls.
The stark cold reality is that 99 percent of all Easy-Bake Ovens are sold to little girls. It would take a brain-dead zombie to think it was a good idea to place boys on the box in order to try and advertise a product that mostly girls will wish to purchase.
The campaign also complains that the ovens come only in pink and purple and that they should also be created in more boy-friendly colors. I take great offense to this effort. Who’s to say that pink and purple are not guy colors? Isn’t that discriminating against pink and purple? Does this now mean that a man is not allowed to wear pink or purple or be ridiculed?
I guess I really don’t care whether Hasbro changes their advertising technique for Easy-Bake Ovens or not. I am relatively certain that the 8-year-old hurricane boy will not be asking for an Easy-Bake Oven this Christmas. If he came running down the stairs on Christmas Day, opened a big box and it contained an Easy-Bake Oven, I’d rather be sent to Afghanistan, placed on the public square and mock Mohamad than be present for his reaction. I suppose the hurricane might use an Easy-Bake Oven to cook a frog or something like that.
I can’t spend too much time worrying about campaigns concerning Easy-Bake Ovens because I’ve got to worry about what the 8-year-old hurricane wants for Christmas. Of course, he has sent his order directly to Santa Claus and expects to receive what he requests, even though he’s the first to admit that he is probably on the naughty list.
His main gift request is for a Segway. In case you do not know, Segways are the upright, two-wheeled scooters that you sometimes see police officers driving around in big cities, etc.
I don’t know about you, but I do not recall having ever seen an 8-year-old boy driving around on a Segway. He’s convinced that Santa Claus will bring one, but just in case, requests as a backup ... an army tank.
Not a toy tank, mind you, but a real tank.
He also asked for a real tank last year and the year before.
I’ve explained that a Segway or a real tank is too expensive. Of course, he simply responds that Santa Claus is buying it, so what in the world do I care how much it costs. I then try to explain that even Santa Claus has a budget to which he explained that a Segway really isn’t all that expensive anyway. According to the hurricane, a Segway probably only costs about $5,000 and that is really not a lot of money.
It appears he’s been talking too much with his mother.
Maybe I can get Easy-Bake Oven to produce a camouflage oven and the hurricane can go around the neighborhood on his Segway selling all the Easy-Bake cookies he makes. He’ll probably need the tank to force anyone to eat them.
The 9-year-old princess already has an Easy-Bake Oven, but spends all her time cooking goodies for the homeless, nuns and Special Olympics. The hurricane couldn’t care less about providing for the needy, but did inform me that if you placed a hamster in a microwave and set it on two minutes it would explode. I had the good sense not to ask him how in the world he knew such a thing.
Maybe I need to get rid of the microwave and replace it with an Easy-Bake Oven. Maybe I can ask Santa for an Easy-Bake Oven for me.
Contact columnist T. Gamble at firstname.lastname@example.org.