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A few weeks ago, I wrote about watching “Finding Bigfoot” with the 7-year-old hurricane boy. He loves to watch anything involving monsters, dinosaurs or destruction.
The little 8-year-old princess girl is somewhat jealous of the fact we share this time together watching TV, so I agreed to TV time with her as well. It was not too difficult to convince me to lay on the couch and watch TV, as I am genetically preprogrammed for such endeavors. In fact, even when I attempt to fight the urge to lay on the couch, it backfires.
A few nights ago, I decided to begin my two-mile walk-around-the-driveway routine, so I was walking around in a circle, in 40 degree weather, looking like the out of shape 52-year-old man I am. The 7-year-old hurricane came storming out of the house, dressed only in camouflage underwear, no shirt, wearing some sort of duck boots, hair sticking up, carrying a glass of milk and a white paper bag. He looked like John Belushi in “Animal House.” I really don’t know what should have concerned me most, the fact he was nearly naked in 40 degree weather, the fact he was wearing duck boots and only underwear, or the gnawing question of what in God’s name did he have in the white paper bag.
I made my rounds in the driveway and reached his position in front of the front porch. He immediately opened the bag and asked me if I would like a few doughnut holes, as he was helping himself to a little late-night snack.
Now, there is nothing like walking around in a circle in the driveway to burn a few calories, all the while eating a handful of glazed doughnut holes. For the life of me, I cannot understand why my exercise program is a complete failure.
But I digress. The little girl asked me to watch “Ghost Adventures” with her. “Ghost Adventures” could be considered another version of “Finding Bigfoot,” only for those more inclined to believe in ghosts. In “Ghost Adventures,” a team of three guys goes to potentially scary sites to see if they can uncover signs of ghosts. A typical site would be a closed insane asylum.
I am not sure why, but I assume that crazy people are more likely to become ghosts after they die, but then again it could be because the three people that are the stars of “Ghost Adventures” probably need to be placed in an insane asylum. Nevertheless, the show always ends up with a few grainy photos of proposed ghosts, strange noises and the dreaded voice recordings on EBT Recordings.
I have not the faintest idea what an EBT recording does except record words that are completely illegible so that the TV show can then tell you what supposedly a ghost had to say.
Anyway, we watched two hours of “Ghost Adventures” back to back. It was then time to go to bed. Five minutes after going to bed, I heard the light, dainty footsteps that could only be the princess as she jumped in my bed, unable to sleep because she had seen shadows in her room.
I allowed her to snuggle up next to me, comforted by her non-ghost-believing father, who didn’t sleep a wink for fear of seeing shadows on the wall.
Shortly thereafter, the frantic thunder of the 7-year-old hurricane’s footsteps were heard and he too joined me in the bed, denying fear of ghosts, all the while burrowing under the covers.
All was well until about 3 o’clock in the morning. I was awakened by the blood-curdling scream of my daughter. She was pointing to the foot of the bed, where rising from the bottom was the thickest ghost I have ever seen as the 7-year-old boy rose up with the sheets over his body.
The little girl did not know that her brother had joined in the bed and was sure that a ghost had come to visit. The little boy simply readjusted and fell back over in the bed. And, I looked at the clock and realized that maybe we should start watching “Little House on the Prairie” together instead.
Contact columnist T. Gamble at firstname.lastname@example.org.