Well, they held the big event again Sunday night. I’m talking, of course, about Madonna’s halftime show. I mean, did anyone really care about the Superbowl? For some reason, America has now become obsessed with attending Super Bowl events and watching the Superbowl even though 80 percent of the people either know nothing about football or could care less which team wins.
Each year the Super Bowl has a halftime spectacular which is normally made up of aging superstars. This year did not disappoint with Madonna bouncing around in a cheerleading outfit, even though she is rapidly approaching her mid-50’s. I must admit she’s holding together pretty well to be over 50 but I’m still not so sure about the cheerleading gig. More interesting, however, was her ending the program singing “Like a Virgin.” I suspect the large male singer beside her was closer to a virgin than Madonna. When Madonna last saw her virginity LBJ was in office. Adding the topping to the cake, was whoever that so called British female singing star was that shot a bird to everyone midway through her performance, Wow, how ingenious. Where oh where do these celebrities come up with such creative ways to express themselves. I’ll be sure and rush to download her newest album right after I finish sawing my legs off with a Skil saw.
But speaking of big events, my ten year wedding anniversary is fast approaching. This places great pressure on me as a male, because males are not particularly good at purchasing appropriate gifts for such sentimental and special occasions. I know that wedding anniversaries are usually tied to some type metal gift such as a 50th wedding anniversary requires gold and the 25th wedding anniversary requires silver. I know nothing about 10-year anniversaries so I had my secretary pull up information concerning the appropriate gift for a 10th year anniversary. Well, well, well, low and behold the 10th year wedding anniversary metal is aluminum. Better yet, the 10th year colors are blue and silver.
I am absolutely stunned. My worries are solved. I’ve got enough empty Miller Lite beer cans to spell out “Happy 10th Wedding Anniversary, Love Always, T.” I might even splurge and go buy a case of beer so we’ll have something to drink after celebrating the beauty of the blue and silver aluminum gift. Of course, I’ll need to reserve most of the beers for myself as I’m sure my wife will be speechless and it may be difficult for her to properly celebrate immediately after seeing this spectacular gift.
Who knows, if I have enough time, I may even be able to design a bird feeder for the backyard made out of Miller Lite cans. Man, it’s unbelievable, for once I’ll be able to follow the etiquette book completely. Just think, now every time my wife sees me drink a Miller Lite it will remind her of my undying affection and love. It just goes to show it pays to do things right. Had I not checked to see what the appropriate gift would be, I would probably had made the mistake of planning some fancy trip to some tropical island or wasted a lot of money on some fancy jewelry. I can’t wait to see how surprised she will be. For some strange reason, I don’t think I’ll need to worry about the anniversary present for next year.
Contact columnist T. Gamble at firstname.lastname@example.org.