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Burger stands the test of time

Photo by Vicki Harris

Photo by Vicki Harris

The New Year has really started off with a bang.

First, I am faced with the news that Snoop Dogg, whose real name is Calvin Broadus, has been busted for possession of marijuana in Hudspeth County, Texas. Now, Snoop Dogg is a well known rapper and music industry mogul. The fact that he has been busted for possession of marijuana is not particularly unusual or even unexpected. What caught my eye is the fact that he was busted after Texas border patrol agents used a drug-sniffing dog to determine that drugs were located on his tour bus.

Listen, I do not profess to be a narcotics agent. Nor do I contend to be any type crime scene investigator. But, is it really necessary to have a drug dog sniff Snoop Doggs bus?

I am willing to bet that one could take a casual glance around the bus one time and probably be overwhelmed with marijuana smoke. It would probably take Snoop Dogg several days to rid the bus of all reminents of past dope-smoking excursions.

Despite this fact, the border patrol unleashed the drug-sniffing dogs. Well, according to police reports, Snoop Dogg admitted that prescription bottles filled with marijuana were his and he was let go on bond to appear in court on Jan. 20.

On another news note, I read where Melanie Hesketch, a California nutritionist, bought a McDonalds’ cheeseburger one year ago as an experiment. Normally if I read anything concerning California and a nutritionist, I immediately turn the page, but this caught my attention.

Melanie reports that for a whole year the burger was left unwrapped, and unrefrigerated, to see what would happen. Would it mold? Would it deteriorate? Would it begin to smell rancid?

And, instead, absolutely nothing happened. In Melanie’s words, “If even bacteria won’t eat it, does it even count as food?”

Well, I suppose that is a good question. As for me, however, I’m just glad to know if I buy McDonald’s hamburger that I’ve got a pretty long period of time to eat it and I don’t need to worry with little details like placing the thing in the refrigerator.

I’m really not surprised that a McDonald’s burger does not deteriorate. The only thing that usually deteriorates is the minds of the people who work at McDonald’s. I have begun a crusade in which I am considering selling bumper stickers that say “Honk if McDonald’s messed up your order.” I would place one on my car, but fear I would not be able to drive because of all the honking and carrying on around me.

There are a few truisms concerning McDonald’s and ordering fast food. If you order a cheeseburger and tell them you only want ketchup, or only want mustard, or whatever limitations you place, they will always respond by saying “Do you want cheese on the burger?”

I always politely respond that “no, I decided I want a cheeseburger without cheese which normal people would call a hamburger but apparently at McDonalds it’s simply called a cheeseburger without cheese.”

If you have a particularly picky eater, like the 7-year-old hurricane boy, and order a plain hamburger with nothing but the meat and the bun, you may as well plan on chunking the whole thing in the trash can because there is a better chance I will soon be a ballerina dancer at Carnegie Hall than McDonald’s will get a plain burger request correct.

I guess maybe we could ask Snoop Dogg if a McDonald’s cheeseburger is better with marijuana. Marijuana makes one forgetful, but if you misplace it while high, no problem you’ve got a year to find it.

Now, if you want it without cheese that’s another story.

Contact columnist T. Gamble at t@colliergamble.com.