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San Fran laws strips away modesty

T. Gamble

T. Gamble

The beautiful city of San Francisco, Calif., which gave us such wonderful treasures as Nancy Pelosi and America’s first Gay Day Parade, has now added another feather in its hat. It seems that San Francisco, by law, allows anyone to walk the public streets of San Francisco in the nude and to enter any business establishment that serves the public, nude as well.

My sister, who lives there, reports seeing a nude man at the movies and several nude dining patrons. At first blush, this law may almost sound exciting as one could imagine beautiful women walking naked throughout the streets of San Francisco. Unfortunately, it appears the people most likely to enjoy the benefits of this new law are men in their late 50s and older.

Last year, City Supervisor Scott Wiener (Could a guy be any more appropriately named?) proposed prohibiting nudity in restaurants and requiring unclad people to put a towel down before sitting bare-bottomed in public places.

San Francisco, reacted as only San Francisco could by staging a Nude-In. George Davis, 65 years old and former candidate for mayor, who often campaigned in the nude, said the law was “totally unnecessary.”

The Nude-In organizer was Mitch Hightower, 50 years of age, who — surprise, surprise — runs a pornographic website. He said, “It is about body acceptance, not politics.”

Maggie Cahill, 53-year-old bank employee, stated the obvious: “We want to know why it’s always the people who should not be naked who get naked.”

San Francisco has often been a trendsetter for the nation as a whole and I have great fear that this new trend may catch on. I don’t have any experience concerning naked people walking around public streets, malls and the movie theater. The closest I can come is during my teenage youth when, from time to time, someone would try to convince a group of mixed individuals to go skinny dipping at a pool or creek. Invariably, the only people who stripped down naked were a few dumb boys while no women participated. Or, at least no women that anyone wanted to see in a state of undress.

I always heard about parties where Miss Knockout Body Homecoming Queen stripped buck naked, stood on the diving board and practically advertised for a picture-taking session. Of course, I was never at any of these parties. Instead, I was at the party where Myrtle Mae Johnson, decided to return to the attire of Adam and Eve. Not a single thing about Myrtle Mae was attractive. Her mother resorted to showing people pictures of other children when she was a child. Descriptions of her usually included the term “a little stocky.” Descriptions of females that begin with the term “a little stocky” are not forebearers of good things to come.

Skinny dipping also led to the inevitable “bank walker.” A “bank walker,” is — how do I say this delicately — a man who walks around on the bank after skinny dipping because he is proud of his God-given endowment. There was nothing worse than to find out someone was having a wild pool party and Myrtle Mae Johnson and Big Ernie were both invited.

I’ve got enough problems in life without ordinances being passed so that everyone walks around naked. I don’t want to sit in a movie theater seat right after a naked Sammy, the UPS guy, leaves the theater. I don’t want to pick up a sandwich at Subway while Johnny Grease Monkey from the Quickie Lube enjoys a roast beef sandwich in the buff. I don’t want to be forced to cross the street each time I see Big Ernie headed down the side walk. I also don’t want to see Myrtle Mae, who has definitely now passed being called a “little stocky.”

I suppose I will continue to remain clothed. On the other hand, I guess packing for my next trip to San Francisco may be a lot easier.

Contact columnist T. Gamble at t@colliergamble.com.

Comments

FryarTuk 2 years, 1 month ago

Stick to writing about South Georgia.

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waltspecht 2 years, 1 month ago

Many years ago, on a Carribean Island, we were working a dive job. The Hotel was on the beach, and had agreed to supply early breakfast for our crew. On the first day, we were kind of shocked when the Hotel crew came strolling thru in the nude, went out on the beach and did some exercises and went for a swim. Then they came back into the Hotel. The Cook that was serving us told us we would get used to it, as they did it every day, weather permitting. Now I will admit they definately weren't in their fifties, nor were they stocky. I think there may have even been a guy or two, but I couldn't swear to it.

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alleebrin 2 years, 1 month ago

I'd say if we ignore these disgusting people, they will soon find themselves repulsive! Itt's all a matter of attention!

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Outtahere 2 years, 1 month ago

But, if they were attractive young women it wouldn't be a problem. HYPOCRITES!

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albanyherald1 2 years, 1 month ago

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

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tommybeall 2 years, 1 month ago

this editorial is littered with inaccuracies, and frankly embarassing to read.. like FryarTuk said.. stick to writing about sw georgia

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LoneCycler 2 years, 1 month ago

I don't see any inaccuracies in the article. Public nudity is allowed in San Francisco, though it mostly occurs in the Castro district, gay rights ground zero. Just as people who know the least always know it the loudest, the nude men in SF are not much to look at. It would seem objections to the article might be from a couple of "Bank Walkers" who got their feelings hurt by Mr. Gamble, that's all.

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