In the continuing saga of Americans willing to pay for any item known to man that supposedly looks like any other item known to man, I am now stunned to learn that a Chicken McNugget found by Rebekah Speight of Dakota City, Neb., which is alleged to have looked like President George Washington, sold for $8,100 on ebay. In reading about this auction, I don’t know what shocks me the most. First of all, the Chicken McNugget was three years old. Please let me be the first to say that I have been known to allow a piece of pizza, or maybe a leftover hamburger patty, to remain in the refrigerator for two or three months. I have not, however, accomplished saving a nugget for three years.
On the other hand, there is a distinct possibility that a 3-year-old Chicken McNugget is under the seat of my Ford F150, in the inside coat pocket of one of my suits, or lurking around behind the refrigerator. Most likely, if so, courtesy of the hurricane 7-year-old boy or even the 8-year-old princess girl.
I saw a picture of the nugget and I must admit it did have a passing resemblance to George Washington. If I were a Chicken McNugget, I am not sure if I would be proud of this fact or insulted. After all, I don’t exactly rate George as the best looking thing to ever cross the Delaware.
I have always heard that Nebraska is somewhat flat and there is not much to do there. Saving a Chicken McNugget for three years certainly does nothing to dispel this notion. On the other hand, Ms. Speight paid only 17 cents per McNugget and received a whopping $8,099.83 profit from the sale of the nugget.
I’m obviously missing the boat somewhere here. As a kid, I use to look through fields of clover in hopes I would find a four leaf clover. I was never successful in this endeavor. Perhaps, however, I need to be paying more attention to my Chicken McNuggets. Who knows? A basket of McNuggets might have the Fab Four Beatles, an Obama look-alike, or maybe even Madonna.
I’m also wondering what in the name of the United States of America does the person who purchased this McNugget plan to do with it? Should it be placed in a nice glass frame and hung above the kitchen table? Perhaps a nice shadow box with a light would serve to show it off. Maybe one of those heat lights that are normally used to keep the chicken warm at most fried chicken places could be used. What about placing the nugget on a wooden pedestal standing alone as a bust monument? As you may recall, I wrote an article several weeks ago about a lady, conducting a scientific experiment, who kept a McDonald’s hamburger for one year without refrigeration and claimed it remained virtually unchanged. Apparently, Chicken McNuggets have the same tendency.
This has got me to thinking. If McDonald’s can preserve a hamburger for one year without change and a Chicken McNugget for three years, maybe I need to eat more McDonald’s. It might be better than a face lift or working out at the gym. I know of nothing else that can assure me I will maintain the same look for the next three years. Not that I really want to maintain my current look, but maybe if it does a really good job I can go in reverse and regain lost luster from the past. Whatever preservative they are using should simply be placed in a bottle and sold as a youth enhancer. For that, I might actually pay $8,100.
Contact columnist T. Gamble at firstname.lastname@example.org.