Each week Albany Herald researcher Mary Braswell looks for interesting events, places and people from the past. You can contact her at (229) 888-9371 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
There simply is no love on earth to compare with that of a mother. On this Mother’s Day, whether you can be with your mother or not and whether you are a mother or not, enjoy this column and, hopefully, smile as you read it.
• If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?
• There are starving people in (fill in the blank) who would be happy to clean your plate for you.
• I’m not everyone else’s mother - I’m your mother.
• Don’t use that tone with me!
• You just ate an hour ago.
• “I don’t know” is not an answer.
• I don’t care what everyone else is doing, I care what YOU are doing.
• Don’t make me come in there!
• Don’t roll your eyes at me.
• I’m not going to ask you again
• I wouldn’t make you do it if I didn’t love you.
• Are you going out dressed like THAT?
• Don’t sit so close to the TV — you’ll ruin your eyes.
• You’ll understand when you’re older.
• Turn off the light! Do you think we own the electric company?
• Some day you’ll thank me for this.
• Don’t put that in your mouth — you don’t know where it’s been.
• Don’t cross your eyes, they’ll get stuck that way.
• Go to your room and think about what you did.
• You didn’t learn that in THIS house!
• Why? Because I said so!
• Someday your face will freeze like that.
• You’re going to put your eye out with that thing.
• A little birdie told me.
• A little soap and water never killed anybody.
• If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
• You will eat it and you will like it.
• If you are too sick to go to school, you are too sick to play outside.
• You’re the oldest. You should know better.
• Put your sweater on. Don’t you think I know when you’re cold?
• Always wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident.
And the answer is...
A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on the magnet and what it does. The next day in a written test, she included this question: “My name has six letters. The first one is M. I pick up things. What am I?” When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word Mother.
You know you’re a mother when...
• Your feet stick to the kitchen floor...and you don’t care.
• You’re willing to kiss your child’s boo-boo, regardless of where it is.
• You have mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching.
• You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
• You shop for two hours and never make it any farther than the children’s department.
• One of your best gourmet recipes is for seasonal Rice Krispie Treats.
• You can talk on the phone, pack a lunch and breastfeed all at the same time.
• You can remove chewing gum from just about anything.
• You are pretty sure that the missing kitchen utensils can be found in the sandbox.
• You don’t want to know what the vacuum cleaner just sucked up.
1 total votes.
“I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said she certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.” - Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes)
“ My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” - Mark Twain
“Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to the wall.” - Unknown
“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.” - Erma Bombeck
“If evolution really works, how come mothers have only two hands?” - Milton Berle
“”There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.” - Chinese Proverb
“If a mother’s place is in the home, why am I always in the car?” - Unknown
“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” - Robert Browning
“I may be the only mother in America who knows exactly what their child is up to all the time.” - Barbara Bush
My mother said to me, ‘If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.” Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso. - Pablo Picasso
“There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother’s age.” - Benjamin Spock
“Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.” - Erma Bombeck
“I am sure that if the mothers of various nations could meet, there would be no more wars.” - E. M. Forster
Words of wisdom - from a child’s view
• When mommy is mad at daddy, never let her brush your hair.
• When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom while she is on the phone.
• God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
• Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
Mother’s Dictionary of Meanings
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word..
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.