I am typically the kind of person who, in a group of my colleagues deciding where to go for lunch, would defer the decision to others based on what they wanted.
So, I might say, “Oh, I’m fine with whatever” or “It doesn’t really matter to me.”
Some might call it being easygoing. Personally, I’ve mostly thought of it as just a part of who I am to put others’ desires and concerns before my own. As I have reflected in the past on that aspect of myself, I wondered if my “easy-goingness” or deferential manner had been mistaken for indecisiveness or nonchalance.
I wondered if those who spoke up about exactly what they wanted usually got it because those like me offered no opinion. I wondered if they saw themselves as tenacious, selfish, some combination, or something different altogether. I wondered if my way of being reflected some deficiency in my relationship to myself and my own voice and that I had perhaps fallen into a habitual pattern of deferring to those making the most noise.
I can hear someone yelling at the page, “It is just lunch, LaTonya, you are overthinking it!”
And, they’re probably right. It is just lunch, but when I consider the broader implications that the lunch example highlight, I believe it merits some careful thinking.
What I’ve come up with is an appreciation for the people in my life and those who’ve passed through it who have helped to shape the person I am, the experiences and opportunities that have informed my thinking and helped to develop my worldview, and the conscious awareness to be constantly reflexive about how these impact everything I do.
I’ve come to realize
that I will always care about what’s in the best interest for all and not just for me. It doesn’t mean I am indecisive or nonchalant. I just have to know how to pick my battles, and frankly, lunch is just not that high on the list.
I can make a decision, yes. I am thoroughly engaged and when it matters. I won’t be saying, “Oh I’m fine with whatever or, “It doesn’t really matter to me.”
I’m going to vote. Will you? There is still time for early voting.Be encouraged.
Contact columnist LaTonya Dunn at firstname.lastname@example.org.