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FLYNN: That's one brave woman

Features column

Photo by Vicki Harris

Photo by Vicki Harris

“She said she doesn’t care.”

Those were the last words I heard before a silence so thick it was suffocating filled the room, only to be broken a good 15 seconds later by a low, throaty, almost fearful whisper.

“Oh, no,” someone said. “That’s not good.” Not good indeed, I found myself thinking. Not good indeed.

Apparently, someone’s friend was getting married. Yay! Apparently, they were the cutest, most precious couple to get married since the last cutest, most precious couple got married. Yay! Apparently, he wanted to get married in June but she wanted to wait a month or two. Uh-oh. Apparently, he told her that he didn’t want to get married in the fall because of college football on Saturdays. And here it comes. Apparently, she said she doesn’t care. They’re getting married the first weekend in September. On a Saturday.

That’s one brave woman.

Back in April, SBNation writer Mike Zarrilli reported on the least wedding-friendly Saturdays this fall in regards to the 2013 college football schedule. According to Zarrilli, the five biggest games to be played on Sept. 7 are Florida at Miami, South Carolina at Georgia, Notre Dame at Michigan, Texas at BYU, and Oregon at Virginia. His advice to someone thinking about getting married on Sept. 7 – If the Gators can come this close to leaving the state of Florida in an out-of-conference game for the first time since 1991, you can get married in July.

I will admit, there was a day that I would have scoffed at Zarrilli’s musings, calling him a ding dong or something equally intelligent for suggesting there are people who actually care more about watching football than they do attending a perfectly lovely display of holy matrimony. But I have grown to realize that those people do exist. And they live among us. And one of them sleeps just a few inches from me each and every night. And I am the mother of his children.

I have often said that if my husband ever took on political aspirations and made his way to a position of influence and persuasion in this great country of ours, he would use his power to do but one thing: To make it against the law for people to get married on Saturday during college football season.

From what I have learned over the last 22 years of marriage, the best time for a wedding during football season is, in this order: (1) Never, (2) the weekend after never, and (3) absolutely, positively never. Because even if the bride and groom are not football fans, most likely many of their guests inevitably are. And they will be mad. And they will ask if the game will be on a television at the reception. And they will be looked at like they are insensitive, football fanatic freaks for even suggesting such a thing.

Which they probably are. But we love them anyway.

Should I be worried about the future Mr. and Mrs. Precious and her lack of concern for her future husband’s opinion? Should I be in mourning over the realization that football has once again started and for the next three months, give or take, there is the very real chance my husband may forget what I look like? Or should I just be excited for him, ecstatic that this is one of his happiest places on earth to be – surrounded by endless college football, fresh games each week followed by replay after replay after replay?

I choose … the last one. Because when all is said and done I don’t want to feel guilty about trying to deprive him of his happy place. He loves college football. It’s as simple as that. To try and take that away from him wouldn’t be good. Not good, indeed.

For the record, we got married the third weekend in August, a comfortable distance from the first college football game of the season. I guess you could say I did care.

Or that I’m just not that brave of a woman.

Contact columnist Mandy Flynn at flyn1862@bellsouth.net.