It appears the “Duck Dynasty” dynasty may be coming to a screeching halt all because family head Phil said what pretty much every other devout Christian in the world says.
A&E, the show’s network, acted shocked that such a thing could be said by a Christian and has now suspended Phil from the show. Now, I must first confess that I may be one of the only God-fearing rednecks in the entire country that has never watched “Duck Dynasty,” but if it comes back on I may start.
A&E knows full well part of the “Duck Dynasty” allure is the fact the family claims to be very religious. Why in the world does it surprise them that this family does not approve of a gay lifestyle? They also don’t approve of pre-marital sex or adultery. Surprise surprise, I feel like Gomer Pyle. Their family is Bible-based and that is what the Bible teaches.
As upset as A&E pretends to be, it is my guess that the millions of dollars the top-rated show brings the network will override any claimed moral objection to Phil’s statement and he’ll be back on the air before Valentine’s Day. I’ve said it before, but we now live in an age where people sit around just waiting to be offended.
In today’s world imagine 80 yards away in an empty parking lot a man is relieving himself after being unable to find an unlocked public bathroom.
“Ethel, do you see that man way over there?”
“Yes, Candace I see him.”
“What’s he doing? I can’t quite tell. Let me get out my binoculars and move up 20 yards. Yep, what I thought. That man is exposing himself.”
“Say what? Give me those glasses. Well, I’ll be! He is exposing himself. How do you get theses glasses in better focus? We should call the police.”
“I agree but first give me back those binoculars. I think I’m about to become offended, but I need to get a good look first.”
Let’s see, you now cannot make comments about any sexual preference no matter how bizarre, about fat folks or skinny folks, drug addicts or alcoholics, low IQs, age, any religion known to man — except that Christian faith is open season all day long, lifestyles, ancestry, tattoos, piercings, and on and on it goes.
The only unprotected human deficiency that is fair game 24 hours a day 7 days a week is the poor bald-headed man, of which I am one. People will make fun of you right to your face when you are a bald-headed man.
Let’s face it. I might see a fat woman and make a smart comment about her to my wife, but I would not go up to her and say, “You’re so fat, you have your own ZIP code,” or some other equally unamusing but insulting joke. But people will look at a bald-headed man and say, “Hey, turn down the lights. You’re blinding me.”
I am sure most people can tell that this constant badgering has hurt my self-esteem. God knows how big my ego would be were it not for the curse of being bald. I guess I could join the Hair Club For Men or go to the Bosley Clinic and get a transplant. I might then join an ’80s retro hair band, begin to wear Calvin Kline jeans again, and break dance the night away. My self-esteem would be restored and I’d become even more obnoxious than I already am.
Perhaps I should just accept my fate. After all, the world needs someone they can still make fun of.
Email T. Gamble at firstname.lastname@example.org.