0

Soak up some baby wisdom in that good ol’ Doctor GOP style

Opinion Column

Carlton Fletcher

Carlton Fletcher

They call me Dr. Love, I am the doctor of love.

— KISS

Overheard by a fly on the wall in Phil Gingrey’s Marietta office: “Nurse, call Dr. JuJu’s office and have them deliver a fresh batch of leeches, stat. I have a patient here that’s going to need a good blood-letting.”

Just shows that when you get around crazy, you should expect crazy.

Gingrey, a Republican U.S. representative from Georgia’s 11th District who is also co-chairman of the GOP Doctors Caucus, formed to oppose President Obama’s health care initiative, grabbed his own piece of the loony tunes limelight recently when he told an Atlanta-area newspaper his old House colleague Todd Akin of Missouri was “partly right” when Akin made insane comments about “legitimate rape” during what turned out to be his political Waterloo last year.

Seems that Gingrey, an OB-GYN since 1975 — a scary thought for parents and their offspring in and around Marietta, where he’s established his baby-bringin’ practice — knew exactly what Akin meant when the now former representative attempted to distinguish between a couple of terms perhaps never before uttered in the history of the human language: “legitimate rape” and “non-legitimate rape.”

Gingrey’s reasoning: Sometimes 15-year-olds who become impregnated are scared to tell their parents so they invent a cover story involving — you guessed it — “non-legitimate rape.”

See how simple things are when you know the facts?

The rest of the good doctor’s reasoning, according to the Marietta Daily Journal ... well, you just have to read this logic to enjoy the full effect:

“I’ve delivered lots of babies and I know about these things. ... We tell infertile couples all the time that are having trouble conceiving because of the woman not ovulating, ‘Just relax. Drink a glass of wine. And don’t be so tense and uptight because all that adrenaline can cause you not to ovulate.’ So (Akin) was partially right, wasn’t he?”

This self-appointed spokesperson of women’s reproductive issues went on to say, “But the fact that a woman may have already ovulated 12 hours before she is raped, you’re not going to prevent a pregnancy there by a woman’s body shutting anything down, because the horse has already left the barn, so to speak. And yet the media took that and tore it apart.”

Damned media!

(Gingrey’s explanation of ovulation, by the way, is in all the latest medical journals: It’s known as the Horse Has Left the Barn Syndrome ... really, I looked it up.)

According to Dr. Quacks-a-lot, the cretins who gather the news of the world also played a part in keeping another of his good buddies out of office, wrongly criticizing Indiana Republican Senate candidate Richard Mourdock for simply noting another well-known medical fact: “Look, if there is conception in the aftermath of a rape, that’s still a child, and it’s a child of God, something God intended.”

Yep, nothing’s going to win you votes out in the heartland like passing off the sickening actions of a rapist as an act of God. (One has to assume that in Indiana, the Almighty really does work in mysterious ways.)

It’s too bad Gingrey’s not running for office in the immediate future because by the time he’s up for another two-year hitch, surely his asinine statements will have become way too yesterday’s news to have much of an impact. But, rather than lament his timing, I think we can pretty much bet the farm that ol’ Doc Gingrey will have said something even more ignorant by then.

So, parents, before you sit down to have “the talk” with your kids, perhaps you should make sure you’ve boned up, so to speak, on the revisionist GOP facts of life, courtesy of U.S. Rep. Phil Gingrey.

Or, as the man himself would no doubt succinctly put it: “It’s a wonder I can even keep up with all this new-fangled baby technology that’s going on out there. I’m up to my hair plugs trying to run down enough storks to deliver little bundles of joy to all these fat women who keep coming around my office. Some people seem to think these babies are going to find their own way into our well-tended Georgia cabbage patches.”

Email Metro Editor Carlton Fletcher at carlton.fletcher@albanyherald.com.

Comments

LoneCycler 1 year, 7 months ago

Unlike progressives, who have to defend every loony tune politician in their stable, no matter what they say (see Joe Biden’s remarks any day), conservatives are not so ideologically bound. Missouri Senate candidate (Congressman) Todd Akin was clearly an idiot and Congressman Gingrey has just proved that he’s an idiot too. When Gingrey was asked about Akin he could have just said “that man is an idiot” but no, he had to try and sound smart, to a journalist from the Atlanta Journal with a tape recorder, no less. This is one reason why I call the Republican Party the “stupid party.” Until such time as they can rid themselves of doofuses like this it will, and should, remain in the political wilderness.

3

RedEric 1 year, 7 months ago

Dr. Gingery was trying to explain in language the reporter could understand while keeping it in family friendly territory, apparently that was to advanced for Carlton. The function of the human body is awesome, it just doesn't always fit political agendas.

1

RedEric 1 year, 7 months ago

Joe Biden told a new congresswoman to "spread your legs you are going to be frisked" and THAT wasn't worthy of comment? The good Doctor was clumsy with his comment, but technically correct. Biden's comment is despicable. It isn't even funny. That is what is so aggravating about you liberals. You ignore human failures on one side and become comically outraged by clumsy comments on the other. Carlton, the koolaid is rotting your brain.

3

FryarTuk 1 year, 7 months ago

"The good Doctor was clumsy with his comment, but technically correct." That is a totally stupid remark.

1

RedEric 1 year, 7 months ago

Technical - a couple anxious for children are advised to relax. A woman being raped can prevent ovulation if then occurring. Adrenalin being controlling in both cases. Clumsy - if the horse is already out of the barn. You right brained thinkers are always upset by this. We left brained thinkers are labeled stupid and/or insensitive for our weakness regarding the finer nuances of language.

2

darnette0101 1 year, 7 months ago

So when you were raped you avoided getting pregnant? Oh wait, you were never raped! You can tell by the stupid, asinine comments you're making! If I were to come and start beating you upside the head and tell you just relax you won't get a head trauma, would that work?! No, your adrenalin would be off the chart! Do humanity a favor and go stick your head in a vat of acid!

0

agirl_25 1 year, 7 months ago

Speaking of having babies...I was channel surfing the other night....bored to death, and I came across the famous (hahaha) coughbscough "reality show* yeah right, Housewives of Atlanta, and if you want to see stupid and see someone who should NEVER EVER reproduce whether or not ovulation does or does not begin when the horse leaves the barn or lays down in the barn, you have got to see this idiot on there. Don't know why in the world her parents named her after a sleek efficient German car unless one backed over her and smashed her brain but my goodness she is dumb. She thinks if she eats a lot of yams like her "African sistas" do she will have twins. She most likely does not even know the difference between a yam and a sweet potato. Maybe someone needs basic reproduction courses before we start the adrenalin stuff, ya think? I hate to think what she may do with the yams. Wonder where the moron thinks they go.......and which side of her brain she thinks with.....oh wait..did I just see her skipping down the aisle in Winn Dixie dressed like a girl from the Wizard of Oz with a small dog she kept calling Toto, a Lion, and a fellow dressed like a scarecrow...by golly maybe she is on her way to get a brain....

Yes, the female human body is awesome and unless you actually own one, live and breathe inside one, you have no idea what you men are talking about. We are all very unique...each in our own way...do not ever try to compartmentalize us...I have always hated it when a man has told us how we are "supposed" to feel.

1

Sign in to comment