They call me Dr. Love, I am the doctor of love.
Overheard by a fly on the wall in Phil Gingrey’s Marietta office: “Nurse, call Dr. JuJu’s office and have them deliver a fresh batch of leeches, stat. I have a patient here that’s going to need a good blood-letting.”
Just shows that when you get around crazy, you should expect crazy.
Gingrey, a Republican U.S. representative from Georgia’s 11th District who is also co-chairman of the GOP Doctors Caucus, formed to oppose President Obama’s health care initiative, grabbed his own piece of the loony tunes limelight recently when he told an Atlanta-area newspaper his old House colleague Todd Akin of Missouri was “partly right” when Akin made insane comments about “legitimate rape” during what turned out to be his political Waterloo last year.
Seems that Gingrey, an OB-GYN since 1975 — a scary thought for parents and their offspring in and around Marietta, where he’s established his baby-bringin’ practice — knew exactly what Akin meant when the now former representative attempted to distinguish between a couple of terms perhaps never before uttered in the history of the human language: “legitimate rape” and “non-legitimate rape.”
Gingrey’s reasoning: Sometimes 15-year-olds who become impregnated are scared to tell their parents so they invent a cover story involving — you guessed it — “non-legitimate rape.”
See how simple things are when you know the facts?
The rest of the good doctor’s reasoning, according to the Marietta Daily Journal ... well, you just have to read this logic to enjoy the full effect:
“I’ve delivered lots of babies and I know about these things. ... We tell infertile couples all the time that are having trouble conceiving because of the woman not ovulating, ‘Just relax. Drink a glass of wine. And don’t be so tense and uptight because all that adrenaline can cause you not to ovulate.’ So (Akin) was partially right, wasn’t he?”
This self-appointed spokesperson of women’s reproductive issues went on to say, “But the fact that a woman may have already ovulated 12 hours before she is raped, you’re not going to prevent a pregnancy there by a woman’s body shutting anything down, because the horse has already left the barn, so to speak. And yet the media took that and tore it apart.”
(Gingrey’s explanation of ovulation, by the way, is in all the latest medical journals: It’s known as the Horse Has Left the Barn Syndrome ... really, I looked it up.)
According to Dr. Quacks-a-lot, the cretins who gather the news of the world also played a part in keeping another of his good buddies out of office, wrongly criticizing Indiana Republican Senate candidate Richard Mourdock for simply noting another well-known medical fact: “Look, if there is conception in the aftermath of a rape, that’s still a child, and it’s a child of God, something God intended.”
Yep, nothing’s going to win you votes out in the heartland like passing off the sickening actions of a rapist as an act of God. (One has to assume that in Indiana, the Almighty really does work in mysterious ways.)
It’s too bad Gingrey’s not running for office in the immediate future because by the time he’s up for another two-year hitch, surely his asinine statements will have become way too yesterday’s news to have much of an impact. But, rather than lament his timing, I think we can pretty much bet the farm that ol’ Doc Gingrey will have said something even more ignorant by then.
So, parents, before you sit down to have “the talk” with your kids, perhaps you should make sure you’ve boned up, so to speak, on the revisionist GOP facts of life, courtesy of U.S. Rep. Phil Gingrey.
Or, as the man himself would no doubt succinctly put it: “It’s a wonder I can even keep up with all this new-fangled baby technology that’s going on out there. I’m up to my hair plugs trying to run down enough storks to deliver little bundles of joy to all these fat women who keep coming around my office. Some people seem to think these babies are going to find their own way into our well-tended Georgia cabbage patches.”
Email Metro Editor Carlton Fletcher at firstname.lastname@example.org.