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Seniors need own alphabet soup for texting

Features Column

One of the new things that confuses folks collecting their social security checks is when they see young people — those under 65 — treating their telephones like a Smith Corona portable typewriter.

Young people don’t talk anymore, they text. I guess it’s easier and faster than picking up a telephone and saying, “Hi. How are ya doing? Are the kids coming for the holidays?” That’s even less than the 144 characters they tell me you’re permitted for a text.

I saw a text once and it looked like somebody took a can of Campbell’s alphabet soup and tossed the contents on the screen.

I honestly don’t know what all those letters jumbled together mean.

However, I think it’s time the seniors had their own alphabet soup for texting.

Here are some combinations old folks are using — or should be using.

Sorry I can’t talk. I’m ATD (at the doctors.)

I’m at BFF (best friend’s funeral.) The older you get, unfortunately, the more you’ll be texting this one.

Hey, honey, BTW (bring the wheelchair) or BTW (bring the walker).

This definitely will be used by my contemporaries — CBM (covered by Medicare.)

When you have reached the stage where being forgetful is commonplace and you find yourself standing in the middle of a room and wondering what in the heck you’re doing there, you’ll be using this one FWIW (forgot where I was). You can add SWAITT (sorry, who am I talking to?)

What about CUATSC (see you at the senior center)?

While DWI has a specific meaning when stopped by the local gendarmes after closing time at the local watering holes, DWI (driving while incontinent) has an entirely different meaning for seniors.

And what about these: LOL (laughing on Lipitor) and TOP (texting on potty).

Top 12 Sports Movies

With the annual Academy Awards show quickly fading into history, here’s a list to generate controversy with the Top 12 sports movies of all time. The list is in chronological order.

1942 – “The Pride of the Yankees,” starring Gary Cooper, Teresa Wright and Walter Brennan, tracing the life of New York Yankee first baseman Lou Gehrig and his battle with cancer.

1971 – The TV movie “Brian’s Song,” starring James Caan, Billy Dee Williams, Shelley Fabares and Jack Warden, follows the lives of Chicago Bears running backs Brian Piccolo and Gale Sayers and Piccolo’s battle with terminal cancer.

1976 – “Rocky,” starring Sylvester Stallone as Rocky Balboa and Carl Weathers as Apollo Creed. The movie centers around Balboa and the opportunity to fight Creed for the heavyweight championship.

1976 – The “Bad News Bears” centers around former minor league Morris Buttermaker played by Walter Matthau, who is recruited to coach a bad Little League team. Tatum O’Neal played his star pitcher. Bad-boy Jackie Earle Haley played was one of Matthau’s stars and Vic Morrow the straight-laced opposing coach.

1980 – “Raging Bull” follows the life of middleweight champion Jake LaMotta and the life he led inside and outside of the ring. Robert De Niro starred at LaMotta.

1986 – “Hoosiers” is about a tiny-town Indiana high school that wins the state championship and it is based on Milan High School’s 1954 title team. Gene Hackman starred in the film as Coach Norman Dale. Dennis Hooper played his assistant coach and Barbara Hershey, a faculty member.

1989 – “Field of Dreams” starred Kevin Costner, Amy Madigan, James Earl Jones, Ray Liotta and Burt Lancaster in his final film. While walking in his cornfield, novice Iowa farmer Ray Kinsella (Costner) hears a voice that whispers, “If you build it, he will come”, and sees a baseball diamond. His wife, Annie (Madigan), is skeptical, but she permits him to plow under his corn to build the field. Eventually, Shoeless Joe Jackson and other members of the Chicago Black Sox walk through the corn field to play.

1993 – “Rudy” is the account of the life of Daniel “Rudy” Ruettiger who clung to the dream of playing football for Notre Dame and how he finally got in a game in his last game as a senior. Sean Astin starred as Rudy and Ned Beatty, Charles Dutton and Jason Miller co-starred.

2000 – “Remember the Titans” is based on the story of African American coach Herman Boone portrayed by Denzel Washington, as he tries to integrate a racially divided team at the T. C. Williams High School in Alexandria, Va., during the 1971 season. Will Patton played Bill Yoast, Boone’s Alabama-born white assistant coach who was making a transition to help Boone. The film follows the school winning the state championship in Boone’s first year.

2006 – “Glory Road” chronicles Texas Western’s run to the 1966 NCAA basketball championship highlighted by the Miners’ victory over Adolph “Baron” Rupp’s Kentucky team in the championship game. The movie highlights the racism Texas Western faced as the first team with an all-Black starting lineup to win the crown. Josh Lucas starred as Texas Western coach Don Haskins and Jon Voight as Rupp.

2006 – “We are Marshall” depicts the aftermath of the 1970 plane crash that killed 37 football players on the Marshall University team as well as five coaches, two athletic trainers, the athletic director, 25 boosters and a crew of five. It also addresses the rebuilding of the program and the healing that the community undergoes. Matthew McConaughey stars as the new head coach Jack Lengyel, Matthew Fox as assistant coach William “Red” Dawson and David Strathairn as Marshall University President Donald Dedmon.

Barry Levine is a copy editor at The Albany Herald. Some of the material in this column came from emails he received.

Comments

beenhereawhile 1 year, 9 months ago

ROFL (Rolling on the floor laughing)

Barry, that was just funny. I am in between the 65+ crowd and the texting crowd and Ijust loved it!

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