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Someone’s asking for an IRS audit

Opinion Column

Carlton Fletcher

Carlton Fletcher

Here’s to the hearts and the hands of the men That came with the dust and are gone with the wind.

— Bob Dylan

Things you notice — and other thoughts that pop into your head — while riding alone on the pleasantly solitary back roads between Southwest Georgia and Florida’s Gulf Coast, listening to some old Dylan:

I’ve heard of folks wearing their religion like a badge of honor, but this one I’m not so sure about. Name of a business establishment just outside the city limits of Marianna, Fla.: Waitin’ on Jesus Yard Sale. Really. I haven’t stopped in, but I’d bet they have some really interesting items.

  • This from my buddy the professor, aka Ken Faircloth: Win a bar bet with someone by asking them the length of Eight Mile Road in southeast Dougherty County. The road is actually a few tenths of a mile longer than eight miles ... but it is exactly that distance from the downtown courthouse. Thus the name.
  • Naval oranges are perhaps nature’s most perfect food. Many of us, though, throw away the sweetest part of the fruit. It’s the part where the belly button is, down at the bottom. You’re welcome.
  • There’s a guy in extreme southern Baker County who can expect an audit from the IRS any day now. If you’re heading south on State Highway 91 and go exactly 6 miles from the first four-way stop intersection in the city of Newton, slow down and check out the display on the left side of the road. You’ll know it when you see it: It’s one of the few times you’ll ever see a coffin sitting along a fence line. On the coffin are written the words “Keep Out” in bright red paint, and completing the humorous — not to mention just a touch creepy — tableau is a sign with these crudely painted words of wisdom: “Bury me face down so Obama an (sic) the Democrats can kiss my a--.” Yes, it is great to live in times of enlightenment.
  • Quick quiz for the lovers of good music: Can you (without resorting to Google or Bing or any of those other not-always-accurate cheat sites) name the members of Creedence’s Willie and the Poor Boys and the instrument each played? I’ll give you a minute and put the answer at the end of this rambling missive.
  • I kinda got burned out on complaining about gas prices a while ago. With the United States taking over as the largest oil exporter in the world last year and Republicans pushing for an oil pipeline that will run from Canada to the Gulf Coast through the middle of one of the country’s most delicate water systems — and, incidentally, be refined to ship to China and other countries ... so, yeah, “Drill, baby, drill” is going to solve all our high-priced gas problems — I figured there is little recourse for us than to just suck it up and keep paying the oil barons until they finally realize they have enough money. (Hint: Never.) But I did find it frustrating when I saw gas prices some 14 cents cheaper in Florida (where gas is typically 20 to 30 cents more expensive than Georgia), and a whopping 28 cents cheaper in parts of Alabama. I know, I sound like a squawker who reports on gas being nine-tenths of a cent cheaper somewhere close by, but I did get the uncomfortable feeling of being gouged by local distributors here in God’s country. Thanks, guys.
  • I’ve mentioned in this space before that one of the greatest three-movie acting triumphs in modern-day moviemaking is Patrick Swayze’s — RIP — performances in “Dirty Dancing,” “Point Break” and “Roadhouse,” classics all. But while we’re dishing out the good-time ‘80s cheese, let’s not forget the greatest three-movie theme-song triumph of all time: Kenny Loggins’ “I’m Alright” (from “Caddyshack,” circa 1980), “Danger Zone” (from “Top Gun,” ‘86) and the title song to “Footloose” (1984). A wise band once sang, “They don’t write ‘em like that anymore.”

(Answer to quick quiz: “Rooster hits the washboard and people just gotta smile; Blinky thumps the gut bass and solos for a while. Poor Boy twangs the rhythm out on his kalamazoo, and Willie goes into a dance and doubles on kazoo.” From “Down on the Corner.”)

Email Metro Editor Carlton Fletcher at carlton.fletcher@albanyherald.com.

Comments

Cartman 11 months ago

The IRS should not be used as muscle for keeping political opponents in line. It's no surprise you'd trivialize it. Journalist trolling at its finest.

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RedEric 11 months ago

On the road with Carlton Fletcher. Anecdotes of a rambling mind, er man, no that's right. A rambling mind. Do you have a wine that goes with this stuff Fletch?

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gotanyfacts 11 months ago

Carlton, I know it is easier to make one's point if misinformation is used.

"With the United States taking over as the largest oil exporter..."

The US is poised to become the largest oil PRODUCER (not exporter), reducing our dependence on imports. A typical day's export is about 47,000 barrels. At the same time, we are importing 7.500,000 barrels per day. Also, you should consider that much of the crude that is exported is sent to Canada for refining with the products coming back into the US. Our refineries often function at near capacity. Your pot shot at Republicans over the pipeline is just noise. Unfortunately, there will be many who will believe you hit the bulls eye with your imaginary bullet. Check out the links below.

Regarding trivializing the IRS scandal, Lois Lerner, who is reportedly pleading the Fifth regarding her involvement in harassing political opponents of the Obama administration, now oversees the agency's implementation of the health care overhaul.

http://www.eia.gov/dnav/pet/pet_move_wkly_dc_nus-z00_mbblpd_w.htm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_oil_production

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Scott_Pruden 11 months ago

We played that song in a college band, our singer was adamant that it was 'duck bass' rather than 'gut bass' i found out later, so we prolly looked pretty stupid.

To really go after your enemies, Nixon/Reagan Style, with the IRS, the main weapon is the Audit. Have any of these TeaBagger groups been audited? If not, they need to just fill out the forms like the rest of us 99 percenters and stop whining.

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gotanyfacts 11 months ago

I don't recall Reagan Administration involved in anything like this. Be more specific (source material please). It does not sound like you are well informed about what went on in the present IRS scandal.

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