The political correctness crowd has been working overtime lately, which I guess they can do considering they don’t really actually work anywhere but instead spend all their time trying to figure out a new way to be offended. They now claim great offense at the Washington Redskins name claiming it demeans Native Americans. Of course, several national polls of Native Americans have recently been run and all indicate a large percentage state either they don’t care about the name and are not offended or they are not even aware of the name.
A very small percent claim offense. Nevertheless, the offensive crowd says even if only a small percent are offended the name should be changed to avoid offending anyone. Heaven knows, we may become the least productive country in the world but please don’t ever let even one of our citizens be offended. It might hurt our self- esteem. By God we may end up dumb, broke, and uneducated but at least we’ll be self-confident during it all.
But, if we must protect even the few who are offended, then I need protection too. I am a God-fearing United Methodist. I use to be a Southern Baptist and was fully dunked and baptized. I am offended that Wake Forest is the Demon Deacons. Deacons are the highest ranking lay members of the Baptist faith. They should not be tied to Demons and I want the name changed. Using the word Demon is a sacrilege and offensive.
I expect Sports Center to report on this travesty no later than Friday after they read my article, like I am sure they do every Thursday. This name offends me and if I were still a Baptist I’d quit my church and start a new church down the road like all disgruntled Baptist do. Since I’m a Methodist, however, I may just quit going to church until we get a new preacher, like all good Methodist do.
I’m also completely offended that the Arizona State Sun Devils exist. I see this as Devil worshiping and it offends me. I have a constitutional right to never be offended. Imagine students lined up for a game, wearing red devil tails, faces painted red, yelling go devils. Never mind that I have never been to a Red Devils game, don’t plan on ever going, and have never witnessed this event. The mere fact I heard it might exist causes me great distress. The NCAA should step in immediately and stop this outrage.
I’m also part Irish heritage, in fact I prefer to be recognized as Irish, Scottish, parts unknown -American. I am deeply offended that Notre Dame, a Catholic school I may note, is known as the fighting Irish. This moniker offends my Irish heritage as we do not always fight, maybe when we’re liquored up, but not always. This name brands an entire heritage of people and it is offensive. It is also offensive for their mascot to run around in tight green stockings. I do not own a single pair of green stockings, maybe a pair of red ones which is another story, but surely not green. I demand an inquiry and a study committee including a class to be taught at Notre Dame titled “ The Art of saying and doing absolutely nothing so as to ensure we offend absolutely no-one, or maybe everyone, depending on how one looks at things.”
I guess I could go on forever but then I might offend someone and heaven knows we can’t have that happen in this country. So for now, please simply join with me in being offended. Remember, a political correctness crowd near you needs you.
Contact columnist T. Gamble at firstname.lastname@example.org.