0

CARLTON FLETCHER: Godfather I and II kings of guy movies

OPINION: What self-respecting dude will pay to see The Notebook?

Carlton Fletcher

Carlton Fletcher

You can tell by the lines I’m reciting, I’ve seen that movie, too.

Elton John

One of the TV movie channels showed the “Godfathers” over the weekend, and I was amazed at how quickly I was drawn back into the enduring saga of the Corleone family, even though I’ve seen those films a half-dozen times or more.

It’s like, “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.”

I don’t feel watching the “Godfathers” (I and II, that is, III probably should never have been made) is a waste of time because it is one of the four or five most amazing cinematic experiences in the history of film. The names from the story are timeless — Don Vito Corleone, Tessio, Clemenza, Tattaglia, Moe Greene, Fredo, Barzini, Sollozzo, Stracci, Luca Brasi, who we assume is still sleeping with the fishes — as are the brilliant actors who brought them to life: Brando, Pacino, De Niro, Caan, Cazale, Duval, Vigoda, Lettieri.

As I watched the Godfather stories unfold, in my mind I heard my wife saying what she always says when I revisit a favorite movie: “You’ve already seen that. Why would you waste time watching it again?”

Which brings us to Part II of the ongoing Major Differences Between the Sexes: Men will watch a movie — a guy movie — over and over until they can quote dialogue from memory. Women would rather watch something new, and often dreadful, just so long as it’s estrogen-themed and has a couple of young studs walking around with their shirts off.

(The final part of that last sentence is interesting, because women laugh derisively at men who claim they watch the swimming pool scene in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” because of the lighting or enjoy revisiting “Showgirls” because it’s a hoot how cheesy it is.)

Anyway, I see/hear the gender movie wars play out on an almost daily basis around here when I hear co-worker Laura Williams ask — usually with more than a hint of annoyance in her voice — “Is that a line from another one of y’all’s movies?”

It usually is. Something from “Caddy Shack” or “The Hangover” or “Animal House” or “Cool Hand Luke” or “Anchorman” or “Raising Arizona” or “The Big Lebowski” — Dude! — or “Coming to America” or “Tin Cup” or “Hoosiers” or “Training Day” or “Scarface” or “Swingers.”

That list, by the way, could serve as a pretty impressive Guy Movie Dirty Baker’s Dozen, a collection that every male person who’s ever rented a movie and shared a six pack with his bros can quote from extensively. Hint for the ladies: If you wonder about the manliness of your guy, just ask him for a line or two from the above list. If he can’t, off the top of his head, hit you with at least six of them, rapid-fire, well, let’s just say if you end up with this guy you can look forward to evenings spent discussing British Lit, the Dow Industrials, “Downton Abby” — ughhh — and movie classics like “The English Patient” and “Out of Africa.”

Not, I might add, quoting the great Jerry Seinfeld, that there’s anything wrong with that. I just think you should go in with your eyes open.

Conversely, dudes, if you show your Guy Movie list to a female person you’re interested in and she admits to having sat through at least three of the movies without complaining or without having seen them as part of a compromise in which her guy had to go with her to see “The Notebook,” “Valentine’s Day,” “Sex & the City,” “The Holiday,” “Magic Mike,” “27 Dresses,” “Titanic,” “When Harry Met Sally” or “Bridesmaids,” then marry her.

If she hits you with a “That rug really tied the room together …” or “What we have here is failure to communicate …” or “Say hello to my little friend …” don’t wait. Elope.

A little warning, though. If she throws that last one at you, make sure she is indeed laughing with you.

Email Metro Editor Carlton Fletcher at carlton.fletcher@albanyherald.com.