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T. GAMBLE: Rights break out right and left

OPINION: The explosion of rights in the U.S. could lead to a lot of rich, single Americans

T. Gamble

T. Gamble

As we all know the Affordable Health Care Act is now the law of the land. After all, it has now been proclaimed that health care is a right.

I must have missed, in my History class, where the founding father’s discussed that fact when forming the nation, but it is entirely possible I was asleep that day. We now have all kinds of rights that I did not know existed when I was blazing my trail through high school and college.

I’m told we have a right to an abortion. I think it was Ben Franklin who famously said, “If I get my mistress pregnant, I have the God-given right to terminate the pregnancy before my wife finds out.” Then again, maybe that was Joe at the town tavern who said such a thing, but no doubt it is a right.

We now have a right to cross-dress and use the women’s rest room even though we are, at least biologically speaking, a guy. Now where in the hell was that rule when I was in high school? I did not really want to come to school in a dress, but I would have if it meant I could go to P.E. class with the girls and change with them in their locker room. I’m pretty sure our Constitution, or at least The Declaration Of Independence, must have said somewhere that Transgenders should have equal rights. Well, equal rights for those who had not yet been burned at the stake.

I even saw recently where a high school student won the “right” to wear his hair long — against school policy — because, yes indeed, it was his right to wear his hair like he wanted to. Well, by God, then I have a right to a hair transplant as I no longer have hair and I want it. Maybe that is covered under Affordable Health Care.

You now have a right to refuse to say the Pledge of Allegiance. After all, why do we care if you live here but actually hate us? I could have refused the pledge when I was in school. Now, they would have taken me directly in front of a firing squad, burned my family home and driven my relatives to Hahira, but I could have refused.

With all these rights, I think we should add The Affordable Right To Life Insurance Act.

I checked with my life insurance agent and he endorses the idea. If someone in your family dies, you should have a right to never work again, presuming you have ever worked to begin with. Every American should have $2 million in coverage. We’ll make the damn rich folks pay for it, whoever they are. I think they are whoever makes more than I do, but I’ll check and see if I can find them.

I also checked with my family undertaker and he endorses the idea. It is amazing how fast folks die off when there is $2 million dollars to collect.

“I don’t know what happened to Henry, we were having a great time and he just stepped right in front of that train. I’m devastated. How long does it take to collect on the government life insurance?”

Just think, in one generation we can transform America to where everyone is worth at least $2 million dollars. Understand, we may have a lot of single folks running around rich, given the large number of tragic deaths, but so what? We have too many folks anyway. After all I have a right to be free from overcrowding, too.

Email columnist T. Gamble at wtg@colliergamble.com.