Well it is finally official. The all-knowing United States of Nannyism of America has declared good old regular light bulbs illegal.
What the hell? Marijuana is now legal and at the same time it is illegal for me to take a whiz with enough light in the bathroom to avoid peeing in the sink.
Yes, in just a month or so, no more regular light bulbs can be sold or manufactured in the good ol’ freedom-loving U.S.A. I’m not sure which genius declared this a good idea, but I know it makes me madder than Sally Struthers at a sold-out all-you-can-eat buffet.
Just my luck. My eyesight is slowly dimming and Washington wants me to use whatever in God’s name they call these new useless light bulbs. Well, actually they do have names. There are compact fluorescent lamps, known as CFLs, and the completely misleading and mislabeled light-emitting diodes, known as LEDs, which would not illuminate a street security light.
I guess security lights will be a thing of the past anyway, as these new bulbs cost too much to put in a street light.
I like buying two bulbs for 99 cents. I don’t want to buy two bulbs for $19.95 and I don’t give a damn if they claim they will last until Miley Cyrus quits sticking out her tongue. I don’t buy light bulbs to last a lifetime. I may move before I get the full value. Now I’ve got to worry before selling my house, “Let’s see, I’ve still got 22 LEDs in all the fixtures and that’s at $32 a pop so I need to add about $1,000 to the sales price.”
The 9-year-old Hurricane boy will probably break half of ‘em anyway.
Of course, the CFLs all contain mercury, which in California means your home is immediately placed on the EPD toxic clean-up list if you break one. In Alabama, it simply means the baby is dead if he breaks a light bulb. In Mississippi, it does not matter, as kerosene lamps don’t have light bulbs.
Well, I’m buying every old-style bulb I can find, putting them in my fixtures and leaving them on 24 hours a day. How’s that for social-conscience energy-saving behavior? If they are so darn worried about saving energy in Washington, why not mandate every congressman ride the subway and ban them from owning a car? Let them come home to their constituents in a horse and buggy.
I don’t need to be told what type light bulb I can use in my own home.
It is hard to believe that this country says it is my right to decide whether or not to have an abortion, but to protect the public I cannot decide what type light bulb I plan to use. It appears a state cannot ban gay marriage, but they can ban a 60-watt bulb?
I say, everyone buy a carton of mercury-laden bulbs — I’d say bring more, but who could afford it? — and then break them on the Capitol steps. Let those fools in Washington worry about cleaning it up.
The first revolution started over sweet tea. Let the second one begin over my right to see in my home at night.
Email columnist T. Gamble at firstname.lastname@example.org.