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T. GAMBLE: Disaster strikes at the movie house

OPINION: There is nothing like a giant lizard movie and pricey popcorn on a Sunday afternoon

T. Gamble

T. Gamble

The 9-year-old Hurricane boy returned from football camp, no worse the wear, and insistent I take him to see “Godzilla.”

Before he left for camp, I asked him if he had everything he needed. You know … “Do you have toothpaste, shorts, t-shirt, three pair of underwear for three days, etc.?” Upon hearing the underwear question, he said, “I don’t need three pair I’ll just wear the ones I have on.”

I said, “For three days? No way! You have to change them every day.”

He replied, “Well, I wear the same ones here for three days if I haven’t gotten hot and sweaty.”

I could have gone the rest of my life without hearing that, so I guess underwear checks will have to be added to my list of things to do each morning.

I took him to see “Godzilla,” along with the 10-year-old Princess girl. All in all, it was a pretty good movie for the type movie it was.

I’m not a big fan of monster/disaster movies. The plot is always the same in every one ever made. First, we must have an impending disaster that the powers-that-be refuse to see coming, even if there is a billboard outside their bedroom window that says “Impending Disaster Ahead.”

Our hero — usually a scientist, but occasionally a policemen or other type authority fellow — warns of the disaster, only to be branded a stark raving mad lunatic, and everyone writes him off as a nut case.

Then, the hero must try to prove everyone wrong, all the while leaving behind some love — a wife, girlfriend or adorable child … sometimes all three — while he fights for the survival of the human race.

In the end, the hero is vindicated, but saddened by the loss of his loved ones who have been swallowed up in the tornado, shark’s mouth, volcano, earthquake or whatever else existed to destroy mankind. Then, just as you think it is over, there comes the lost loved one rising from the ashes and reuniting with the broken Hero.

Well, “Godzilla” did not disappoint as it had all that and then some.

The Hurricane gave it, in his words, “a strong 3, not quite a 4, but almost.”

The Princess declared that “Godzilla was really a good monster just trying to do good and people should have left him alone.” She would have said Hitler was just a little misguided and needed more love.

I said thank God it is over and I’m glad they liked it.

While there, the Hurricane posed an interesting question: “Why does popcorn taste so much better at the movie theater and why do we have to eat it when we go?”

I could have said the same reason beer tastes better at the beach, but I probably should not yet open that can of worms.

At least beer costs pretty much the same at the beach as everywhere else, unlike movie popcorn. Let’s see, I can eat a 16-ounce steak tonight or have a large order of popcorn … yep, I’ll take the pop-corn. While you’re at it, how about a $5 box of Milk Duds and a $7 Coke? Just for fun add some M&M’s and some SweeTarts. Hold on, I have to go out to the car, as all I have is a hundred-dollar bill and I know I’ll need a little more.

So, now I’ve spent a week’s wages, consumed three days’ worth of harmful calories and watched a movie about a monster that eats radiation and then saves the planet.

Yep, there was a disaster somewhere Sunday afternoon, but I’m not sure it had anything to do with Godzilla.

Email columnist T. Gamble at wtg@colliergamble.com.