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MANDY FLYNN: I break for funny

FEATURES COLUMN: There is some good reading out there on the road

Mandy Flynn

Mandy Flynn

There must have been at least eight of them, stuck here and yonder on the back of the blue pick up truck driving in front of me down Highway 82.

One on the bumper said, “Jesus Saves.” Another, right behind the driver’s head on the back windshield, declared “Spay and Neuter – It’s the right thing to do.” And another, in white letters on a green background, held its place smack dab in the middle of the tailgate — “Just Because I Have A Truck Doesn’t Mean I’ll Help You Move.”

I love a good bumper sticker. I’m a hypocrite, I guess, because I don’t really like to have them on my own car. But I love to see them on others. Nice little surprises as you’re driving down the road or stuck behind somebody in traffic. Some of them are funny. Others, not so much. Some are thought-provoking and clever. Some are mean. Some, pompous. Some … downright stupid.

I love a good bumper sticker. My definition of good, I suppose, may be vastly different from anyone else’s. No rhyme or reason, really. Just whatever strikes me.

I’ve written down quite a few I’ve seen. Remembered even more. And I think it’s kind of funny that even though I don’t particularly care to own a bumper sticker, I’ve spent way too much time thinking about them. But there are worse things, I guess, than being amused at things like:

I brake for Sasquatch

Just because you have a right to speak doesn’t mean you have to

The new world order – the unaware are unaware that they are unaware of it

I’m not slow – I’m energy efficient

Stupid should hurt

Life is fragile – Handle with prayer

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

To Err is human – To Arr is pirate

What if the hokey pokey really is what it’s all about?

I’ll start exercising as soon as I get into shape

If you don’t talk to your cat about catnip, someone else will

Bark less – Wag more

Actually, there are stupid questions

When I was a kid my social network was called outside

To get a man to do something, suggest that he’s too old for it

That voice recognition software is great. Can I get it installed on my kids?

Is there ever a bad time for pudding?

Speak your mind even if your voice shakes

Live so that your friends can defend you but never have to

I do what the voices in my wife’s head tell me to

The future belongs to those willing to get their hands dirty

To save time, let’s just agree that I know everything

I’m not bossy. I just have better ideas

Don’t be condescending. (That’s when you talk down to people)

Actually, I’m quite humble. Which is rare in persons of my genius, wit and charisma

Spellcheckers aren’t worth a shirt

Unattended children will be given espresso and a free kitten

Vuja De – The feeling you’re doing it wrong all over again

Don’t you think if I were wrong, I’d know it?

Before giving anyone a piece of your mind be sure you have enough to spare

Let everyone sweep in front of his own door and the whole world will be clean

There could be worse things, I guess, than having a liking for clever bumper stickers. A big thank you to all who do enjoy having them on your cars and trucks. Because even though I don’t want them on my own vehicle, I do appreciate a good one. Does that make me a hypocrite? I don’t know.

One thing I do know? Spray and Neuter - It’s the right thing to do.

Email columnist Mandy Flynn at flyn1862@bellsouth.net.