T. GAMBLE: Naked reality leads to close shaves

OPINION: Reality shows include subtle hints that the reality is not real

T. Gamble

T. Gamble

I recently watched the Discovery Channel’s show “Naked and Afraid.” This is a reality series where two people, one male and one female are placed in some remote destination and asked to survive a month without anything, including clothes.

Conceptually, one can watch the show to learn how human beings react to extreme conditions, how they adapt and work together, blah blah blah. Or, one can watch the show for the reason I do — because it has naked people on it.

Now, the nudity is blurred out so you really don’t see too much, but I’m a big believer in it is the thought that counts.

The show follows these folks day after day as they try to grub for food and stave off the elements. They invariably end up coated in dirt and grime, proof of the harsh elements they are dealing with. The most recent version has a reasonably attractive female who, after a few days, was smut colored from, I guess, jungle grime and mud.

The show then indicates in big letters “Day 19” and shows her shivering, dirt caked and despondent, unsure if she can last another day. I’m thinking, boy, it must be rough to be in the elements with no food, no shelter, no clothes.

Then, as she speaks, she raises her arm and her underarms are smooth as a baby’s bottom. I then notice her legs, although dirty, look like she just came from a waxing. So, I conclude that although they have no food, tools or shelter on the island, they must be allowed to bring a Gillette razor with them. How else can she remain clean shaven?

I’m pretty sure TV decided people can handle a dirty naked girl, but the public cannot handle an unshaven dirty girl. Which, come to think of it, I believe they are right.

That’s the problem with reality TV. It is anything but reality. These folks are skipping around this island in the nude, pretending they can barely survive, all the while being followed by a camera crew of 20 people. I mean, how dangerous can that really be?

I suspect it is more dangerous for the woman to walk around naked in front of the camera folks all day than it is for her to walk around in the jungle.

I also wonder just who in the world signs up to be on this show? “It has always been my dream to see if I can live naked on an island without provisions.”Hell, I work 16 hours a day just so I don’t have to sleep in the rain and walk around naked.

I can understand why the guy might sign up. “Sir, we need you to agree to be placed on a secluded island with a girl who will look pretty good and be naked the entire 30 days and, as an extra bonus, she will be dependent on you for survival.”

OK, sign me up.

Be my luck the gig I signed up for would be the first to combine “Naked and Afraid” with “The Biggest Loser.” Yes, Lou Lou lost 45 pounds in only 30 days — 15 of those chasing Mr. Gamble around the island naked.

I think I’ll avoid “Naked and Afraid” from here on out. They may read this and stop the girl from shaving.

Email columnist T. Gamble at wtg@colliergamble.com.