T. GAMBLE: Think I’ll stick with handshake, fist bumping

T. Gamble

T. Gamble

As time marches on, I’m increasingly reminded that I’m no spring chicken anymore. I’m no strutting roster anymore either. Maybe I’m just old. There are subtle reminders like the fact everyone under 35 calls me sir but there are the not so subtle ones as well. I’ve now reached the age where I stop and watch the “chicken neck” info commercial for a minute or two. My God, I don’t believe I just said that. It is only a matter of time before I’m staring at the Depends diaper section at the grocery store.

So, now I read where Mark McCormack, sociologist at Durham University in Britain just completed a study about heterosexual males and how they interact. He claims that 98 percent of the males studied admitted sharing the same bed with another male at some time or another. O.K., I can buy that so far. I’ve been on the crowded beach trip, or athletic team trip where beds were shared. He then says, however, that 93 percent also admitted spooning with their male bedmate, or cuddling. Hell fire and damnation, say what? What red blooded American male would spoon with another male of equal linage? If I tried to spoon a buddy he’d pistol whip me, and I’d let him. I cuddle puppy dogs, my kids, and my wife. There is not a single word in my vocabulary for cuddling another male.

Now, I’m not sure where he took the survey, maybe San Francisco, but he did claim all the guys were straight. He also said attitudes among young males have changed and they are not adverse to such things. He said older men, those born like in the 80’s were still unlikely to engage in such behavior but that times they are a changing. He did not say a word about old geezers like me born in 1959 but I’m pretty sure most of my buddies are not spooning. Then again, maybe they all are now and I’m just the last to know. It would not be the first time I was late on the newest trend and I have a feeling I may be glad I’m behind the times on this one. You can be sure of one thing, I will not be accepting any invitations for overnight stays that require shared beds with other men.

McCormack says today’s young men often lay their head on each other’s shoulder and are comfortable with physical touching. Remind me to avoid all young men. Listen I don’t really care who you touch, or how you touch ‘em, as long as whoever you touch is a-o.k. with the touching too. But as for me, I’ll stay with the ‘ole handshake or fist bump.

Email columnist T. Gamble at wtg@colliergamble.com