August 18, 2011
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OPINION: The Iron Bowl just might move to Pasadena in January for a sequel
Don’t discount the value of a little girl and her prayer rug on Auburn Saturdays.
FEATURES COLUMN: When the holiday questions get ticklish, think baseball
Santa is just one of the many imponderables of life.
FEATURES COLUMN: Desperation throw rescues Auburn from implosion against Georgia
Tears of agony turned to joy and a little girl’s faith is bolstered as Auburn avoids a heartbreaking loss.
OPINION: When searching for Bigfoot, drop by a diving store
Revelation from Terrell County witness indicates so-called experts are looking for Bigfoot in the wrong places.
OPINION: The secret to a successful political campaign comes in a few easy steps
Great politicians are connected, while beholden to no one, and are the ultimate inside outsiders, as they stand on tradition to effect change.
FEATURES COLUMN: I'm shocked PETA has not yet protested school carnivals, slaughter houses for goldfish
Nothing is quite so adorable as seeing a five-year-old girl dressed like Lady Gaga, who, in case you are not aware, dresses like a Las Vegas hooker, only more revealing.
The political correctness crowd has been working overtime lately, which I guess they can do considering they don’t really actually work anywhere but instead spend all their time trying to figure out a new way to be offended.
As a young boy, I often read about the Roman Empire and was especially enthralled by the stories of gladiators fighting to the death in the arena or helpless victims being fed to the lions. Where are their descendants today? Well, about 90,000-plus were attending the Alabama/Georgia State football game last week.
I assume Hamilton, Ohio, is a nice middle-of-the-road values kind of place, probably the kind of the place to raise a family and enjoy summer cookouts. Well, that kind of place unless you live next door to Edwin Tobergta.
Thousands of people now have chickens as pets, with no intention of eating them or their eggs.
There are those among us who believe that the city government of Washington, D.C., has not accomplished much in the last 30 years … except elect convicted crack-cocaine-using former Mayor Marion Barry to the City Council.
It is that time of year when I review all the SEC football teams, as one of them almost always will be the national champ, unless, of course, you are Vanderbilt, in which case Bowling Green has better odds.
GAMBLE: Hannah image wasn’t all Miley was shaking
There may be no bond stronger than that of man and dog, except perhaps woman and dog. Man may be dog’s best friend, but it appears, at least to woman, dog ranks even higher.
Times are always changing and one generation is left behind while another takes over. What once was considered sacred becomes taboo and what once was considered ridiculous becomes the norm.
I see where the royal couple ignored my well-intentioned suggestion that they name the royal baby Junior and instead chose the predictable, boring name of George. They will live to regret missing the opportunity to bond with the unwashed and rednecks, further widening the gap between royals and the common folk.
Finally, in an event I was awaiting with as much anticipation as next year’s curling championships, news comes that the royal baby has been born.
It seems the news is full of professional athletes acting bad, even some killing folks. Drug arrests, failed drug tests, beating their wives, DUIs ... you know, acting like folks in my neighborhood.
I see from press reports that the new movie “The Lone Ranger” is not doing as well as Disney hoped when first released. I guess that is an understatement, given that Disney estimates they may lose as much as $250 million on the production.
As the Fourth of July is upon us, I recognize the great sacrifices made by our forefathers in establishing this greatest country on Earth. That is, of course, as opposed to all the great countries not on Earth. We have many ways to remember these historic men, monuments like the cleverly named Washington Monument. We spent a ton of money and years to make it and spent about 30 seconds naming it.
Monday the U.S. Senate passed a bill to “toughen security” on its borders as part of a plan to then pass some type “path to citizenship for illegal aliens” (excuse me, undocumented immigrates or whatever they are called these days).
We now live in the enlightened age of electronic wonder, which means I can look you up on Facebook and find out that Publix no longer has the cheapest steaks and you messed up and bought them there before realizing that they were 40 cents a pound cheaper at Food Lion.
This past weekend, I went to Wild Adventures with the wife, 8-year-old Hurricane boy and 9-year-old Princess.
Well, I know summer is almost here because the 7- and 8-year-old machine-pitch baseball league is holding the year-end tournament to decide which team managed to sneak in the most 9- and 10-year-olds to win the tournament.
Recently I was reviewing a brochure with hundreds of tracts of land for sale and also the same number of houses.
The 8-year-old Hurricane Boy has been strangely quiet as of late. Of course, that probably means a Category 5 eruption could be around the bend at any moment.
The late great Lewis Grizzard once wrote a book titled “Elvis is Dead and I Don’t Feel So Good Myself.” Well, I don’t feel so great myself, but don’t tell thousands of Elvis impersonators across the country that Elvis is dead. Every town with a population of at least 100,000 has an Elvis impersonator, and they even have a yearly contest to name the best each year.
If you need any further proof that our society is crumbling at its core, I now read that Sears has decided to discontinue family portraits.
The letter was sweet and to the point, as are most letters written to Santa Claus.
Well, it took a few years but we finally have the great gun debate going on throughout the land. Ban them all or keep them all; depends on whether you live in Dawson, Georgia or New York City as to where you fall on the issue.
In case the Taliban and Al Franken aren’t enough to worry about, Harvard Professor George Church recently announced he wishes to clone a Neanderthal man.
Well, the holidays always bring a surprise or two but thankfully not nearly as large a surprise as Suzy Favor Hamilton revealed.
Well, the holidays always bring a surprise or two but thankfully not nearly as large a surprise as Suzy Favor Hamilton revealed.
Elf On a Shelf. Elf on a Shelf. May the creator of this plague upon Christmas holiday tranquility be forced to celebrate Christmas with Rosanne Barr and Ellen Degenerate.
In the never ending effort to pretend that everyone is exactly the same and to prove that no one can say anything about anybody without being either prejudiced, stereotyping, or profiling, I see where a petition has been made to Easy- Bake Oven to include boys on their boxes in advertising.
Well, Thanksgiving has now come and gone but reasons for being thankful continue. I’m first thankful to read that Dolly Parton has now come forward and denied rumors and allegations that she is gay.
It was love at first sight, at least for her. But who could blame her staring intently back at me? After all, what’s not to love? Dark raven black hair, steely dark eyes, and an anxious gaze of anticipation all told me this would be a match made in heaven.
Well, the presidential election has finally ended, and now you will no longer be entertained by an avalanche of ads.
By the time this article is read, the presidential election will be decided. I can’t possibly predict the results, but it got me to reflecting back to simpler times when I was a much younger man.
I traveled this past weekend to Hilton Head to visit my wife’s relatives. The 7-year-old Hurricane boy and 9-year-old princess found out we were leaving for the beach and ran the car down before I could get out of the driveway.
Two weeks ago, France celebrated one of its great achievements in history. No, it was not the fact they managed to last 10 days before Germany routed them in World War II, nor was it celebrating the French 32-hour work week and 54 weekly paychecks in a 52-week year. Those accomplishments are already being continually celebrated in France while the Germans work overtime to pay so the French do not have to work.
It is now official. America is going to hell in a handbasket. This fact is very disturbing and it may even be more serious than I know because, to tell you the truth, I don’t know what in the world going to hell in a handbasket really means to begin with.
The 7-year-old Hurricane boy is currently playing football in a tackle football league. He’s playing what we use to refer to as midget football. I guess it is no longer politically correct to say midget football and I’m not sure what I am supposed to call the game he is playing.
The 9-year-old princess girl was expounding on the qualities she felt essential in a marriage partner. “He’d need to be caring, daddy, and a good person. He’d need to love animals and love God, too, daddy.” I could feel a tear building up in my eye. The sweet, sensitive, all caring little princess then finished with the grand finale, the clincher, “and own a bunch of land and be rich too.”
As all men know, time marches on. Although I do not consider myself old, I realize that somewhere down the line I may be faced with the prospect placement in a nursing home or as more fashionably titled these days, an assisted living home.
Just when I thought Prince Harry and the British Royal Family were through with further public humiliations, the news is now abuzz that Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, and commonly known as Kate, has been photographed topless.
As described in a previous article, Prince Harry of Britain romped in the buff throughout Las Vegas and used the judgment of Lindsey Lohan allowing one of the women with him to take pictures of the joyful occasion.
The 7-year-old hurricane boy, 9-year-old princess girl, mamma and poor ol' daddy went to town to return some shoes that were too small for the princess. Rest assured, it was not my idea. I've never returned an item to a store in my life. If I got home and had a tutu in my bag, I'd wear it.
It was some time ago when the 7-year-old hurricane boy was not quite yet six. We were visiting an old friend, both in his age and the years we’d shared together.
I recently read the following headline from U.S. News & World Report concerning an article by Health Day reporter Alan Mozes. The headline read, “College Students Who Binge Drink Say They’re Happier.”
There are many mysteries in the universe for which there seems to be no answer. How did they build the great pyramids and why?
Recently I read where Don Grady, the actor who played the character Robbie on the long-running TV series “My Three Sons,” died.
As a general rule, I do not spend much time envying what someone else has. I must admit, however, I do envy those rare guys who keep all their tools neatly aligned in their shop.
The 8-year-old princess girl has been on a real rampage to salvage the world. The princess would make Sally Struthers look like a cold-hearted grinch.
The beautiful city of San Francisco, Calif., which gave us such wonderful treasures as Nancy Pelosi and America’s first Gay Day Parade, has now added another feather in its hat. It seems that San Francisco, by law, allows anyone to walk the public streets of San Francisco in the nude and to enter any business establishment that serves the public, nude as well.
Last week, I went down to Destin, Fla., to attend the Georgia Press Association's awards dinner. The awards dinner is designed to give awards to newspapers for excellence in coverage, articles written, editorials, etc. I was a beneficiary of one of the awards and will not bore you with the details. Rather, I noticed a growing trend concerning awards.
I, like many Americans, have now decided that I will be dropping out of America's labor force. At least, I intend to drop out from my current position as a small-town lawyer and try to move my life into another direction.
While vacationing at the beach, I have noticed a few phenomenons which I think are universal to the human race.
The little 7-year-old hurricane boy is sad. There is nothing much worse than seeing a sad hurricane. If this continues, he might become a tropical depression. He's sad because one of his good friends may not be returning to his school next year.
In case you needed another reason to avoid going to New York City, Mayor Bloomberg has proposed a ban on serving sodas and other sugary drinks at restaurants, delis, sports arenas and movie theaters if the drink is more than 16 ounces.
This past week at church the younger children sang a few songs at the 11 o'clock service. On this particular occasion, the kids met about an hour before service and practiced the songs they would sing. There had been no practice previously, so they had to learn the songs that morning prior to singing.
Benjamin Franklin once famously stated there are only two things that are certain in life, death and taxes. I’m never one to quibble with the founding fathers but I think there may be a few other things that are certain in life.
Life has many lessons that one must learn over the years. Some are relatively simple such as don’t put your hand on a hot stove. Other lessons may take time to learn and some you would not even consider until the situation arises.
As we all know, technology is rapidly evolving such that what was very useful a few years ago can become obsolete almost overnight. I am constantly amazed at how something that seemed to be perfect a few years ago can become “old hat” a few years later.
The 7-year-old hurricane boy continues to plough through life unabated, leaving a path of destruction and mayhem wherever he goes.
Just in case there is any need for further proof that I am being trampled and left behind in the dust of changing values in this country, I learn that the Miss Universe Pageant has decided to allow transgender women to compete in the Miss Universe Pageant.
The Wall Street Journal recently published an article concerning basketball's March Madness. The article was titled "March Madness Turns Into Crying Game." It was talking about the recent trend where players cry after crushing defeats or uplifting wins.
For the first time in my sheltered life, I went to Las Vegas. Sodom and Gomorra look like a tent revival compared to Vegas.
I remember somewhere around junior high school studying genetics. All the studies seemed to revolve around the behavior of fruit flies.
Just in case there is not enough news from the city of Detroit to disgust you, I’ll add one new tidbit. You may have seen where Amanda Clayton won $1 million in the lottery and was then followed by Channel 4 Detroit News, which showed her still purchasing food on a Bridge card, which is the state version of food stamps in Michigan.
In the continuing saga of Americans willing to pay for any item known to man that supposedly looks like any other item known to man, I am now stunned to learn that a Chicken McNugget found by Rebekah Speight of Dakota City, Neb., which is alleged to have looked like President George Washington, sold for $8,100 on ebay.
I recently read an article in the Wall Street Journal titled “Why French Parents are Superior.”
I’m increasingly amused by the newest arguments over contraceptives. As everyone knows, the president has ordered insurance companies must provide contraceptive coverage for anyone being insured by an employer.
I saw recently where Congress and the president have agreed to continue the current program of providing cell phones, free of charge, to anyone who is receiving food stamps. (When did 911 become the number to call for emergencies? Take the Quik Quiz to find out.)
Well, they held the big event again Sunday night. I’m talking, of course, about Madonna’s halftime show. I mean, did anyone really care about the Super Bowl?
A few weeks ago, I wrote about watching “Finding Bigfoot” with the 7-year-old hurricane boy. He loves to watch anything involving monsters, dinosaurs or destruction.