FEATURES COLUMN: The squirrel is my nemesis, and he knows it
I’m not one to wish death on anything (except maybe snakes and lizards and roaches … definitely roaches.) But there is this squirrel, this one incredibly horrible squirrel, that I wish would die of old age or be captured in the dark of night by undercover operatives seeking to do whatever secret undercover operatives would do to a squirrel.
FEATURES COLUMN: What to do with pretentious punctuation
You can say you don’t like my shoes. You can scold me for being a low-talker. You can scoff when I end a sentence with a preposition. But please don’t mess with my Oxford comma.
FEATURES COLUMN: Mom says food issues led to troubling dreams
My mother used to say that we must have eaten something that didn’t agree with us whenever we had weird dreams.
FEATURES COLUMN: A 2014 pledge to learn to make cornbread goes unfulfilled
My renunciation of learning to make cornbread is regretful. Which brings me to this year’s resolution — I am going to attempt to be smarter. Thus, the reason using the word renunciation. It’s a pretty big word for me. I learned it just this morning.
FEATURE COLUMN: The Christmas letter I would like to write
If there is one thing I find myself regretting each year about this time, it is that I have, once again, failed to produce a homemade Christmas – baking, handmade presents, cranberries strung on the tree. Just once, I want a Martha Stewart Christmas.
FEATURES COLUMN: Our elf has left
There has been conversation circulating at work about Elf on the Shelf, the little fellow who visits the homes of young children between Thanksgiving and Christmas and reports back to Santa Claus on the status of their nautiness and niceness.
FEATURES COLUMN: The memorable scents of Christmas do not come from scented candles
No, I don’t think I’ve ever seen candles that can remind me of the smells of Christmas I love most.
FEATURES COLUMN: Flip-flops not the best footwear for a dash in the rain
Rain, asphalt and flip-flops are a painful combination when you decide to make a run for it.
FEATURES COLUMN: There's no such thing as a box of dressing
Just the other day, I wondered if the young girl (who asked how many boxes of dressing she needed) had ever tasted real dressing, and I actually felt sorry for those who have never had the pleasure.
FEATURES COLUMN: Photograph puts things into perspective
I still remember how those five words made me feel that day, sitting in that den on that brown sofa holding that photo in my hands. Sad.