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T. Gamble

Stories by T.

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T. GAMBLE: Fathead unravels spring cleaning chore

OPINION: A dog is a security system worth its weight in baseballs

An inpromptu “Easter egg” hunt before mowing reveals a collection of used chew toys … but no neighbor’s cat.

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T. GAMBLE: When in doubt, just ask again louder

OPINION: Repeating the question will not make me know the answer

When it comes to answering questions, no means no.

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T. GAMBLE: Naked reality leads to close shaves

OPINION: Reality shows include subtle hints that the reality is not real

One can watch the show “Naked and Afraid” to learn how human beings react to extreme conditions, how they adapt and work together, blah blah blah. Or, one can watch it for the reason I do — because it has naked people on it.

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T. GAMBLE: Study examines sticky food quandary

OPINION: The only certain thing is not death or taxes, it is studying what often is the obvious

British study doesn’t instill a need to amend the 5-second rule for dropped food.

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T. GAMBLE: Congress carves the Ten Amendments

OPINION: The Ten Commandments might look different after Congress got through with them

If God had given the Ten Commandments to Congress instead of Moses, they probably would read a whole lot different today.

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T. GAMBLE: Just not cut out to be in this year

OPINION: Being on the cutting edge of fashion this year has a tough requirement

Announcing sexual preferences seems to be the in thing for 2014.

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T. GAMBLE: Illuminating the loss of another freedom

OPINION: What dim bulb had the bright idea to kill the incandescent light bulb?

America is purportedly the land of freedom, if you don’t count the freedom to read by adequate light.

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T. GAMBLE: Take care when swimming with the fishies

OPINION: Manatees, it turns out, are a lot like buddies back home — slow, fat and docile

While manatees seem relatively benign, giant man-sized fish that look hungry are nothing to play with.

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T. GAMBLE: Never go whole hog at an auction

OPINION: Adult beverages and opportunities to bid on boar hogs don not mix

Nothing says Valentine’s day like an 800-pound hog that’s named Valentine.

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T. GAMBLE: FAA has no compassion for the thirsty

OPINION: Drones could be the answer to safely quenching your thirst

FAA drones on for 74 pages about how flying beer in by remote control is against the rules.

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T. GAMBLE: There's 'snow' way we'd take a snow day

OPINION: In my day, we didn't close school for any reason

The losses of real recess, merry-go-rounds and algebra will take their toll on the latest generation.

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T. GAMBLE: Dennis Rodman more than an embarrassment

OPINION: Even the time-honored excuse of drinking too much does not excuse Dennis Rodmans behavior

Dennis Rodman claims North Korean Dictator Kim is really a good guy, despite the executions and imprisonments that he imposes at a whim.

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T. GAMBLE: Ladies, please coordinate those directions

OPINION: Coping with California traffic is hard, especially with conflicting navigators

Dependence on electronic driving guidance is something that needs recalculating.

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T. GAMBLE: Drawing on a new body of art

OPINION: Art tours of the future may include preserved tattoos

An Amsterdam entrepreneur rocks the art world with his plans to preserve his tattoo after he dies.

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T. GAMBLE: Views of Phil Robertson hardly a surprise

OPINION: Strong religious faith is a cornerstone of the Duck Dynasty family

We live in an age where everyone except bald-headed men wait to be offended.

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T. GAMBLE: School plays are reminders of missed chances for stardom

FEATURES COLUMN: Memories are good, but nothing to experience again

A missed fall on stage stymies the career of a would-be thespian.

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T. GAMBLE: Segway not the best idea of Christmas present

OPINION: As an Auburn fan, his wishes have already been fulfilled

So, how do I again explain that Santa may not bring the Segway? After all, I already got my Santa Claus when Auburn qualified for the national title game in the luckiest football season in the history of college football.

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T. GAMBLE: We can soar like war eagles

OPINION: The Iron Bowl just might move to Pasadena in January for a sequel

Don’t discount the value of a little girl and her prayer rug on Auburn Saturdays.

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T. GAMBLE: Santa questions throw me a curve

FEATURES COLUMN: When the holiday questions get ticklish, think baseball

Santa is just one of the many imponderables of life.

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T. GAMBLE: Auburn's miracle catch dries up the tears

FEATURES COLUMN: Desperation throw rescues Auburn from implosion against Georgia

Tears of agony turned to joy and a little girl’s faith is bolstered as Auburn avoids a heartbreaking loss.

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T. GAMBLE: Bigfoot may need some big fins

OPINION: When searching for Bigfoot, drop by a diving store

Revelation from Terrell County witness indicates so-called experts are looking for Bigfoot in the wrong places.

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T. GAMBLE: T's Guide to Sure Election Victory

OPINION: The secret to a successful political campaign comes in a few easy steps

Great politicians are connected, while beholden to no one, and are the ultimate inside outsiders, as they stand on tradition to effect change.

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T. GAMBLE: I curse the one who first thought Halloween was a good idea

FEATURES COLUMN: I'm shocked PETA has not yet protested school carnivals, slaughter houses for goldfish

Nothing is quite so adorable as seeing a five-year-old girl dressed like Lady Gaga, who, in case you are not aware, dresses like a Las Vegas hooker, only more revealing.

GAMBLE: Americans down to two ugly choices

Opinion column

The only problem is, we keep re-electing em. Both sides say they know we cannot continue to spend more money than we take in. Both sides keep voting to do just that.

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GAMBLE: Sideline TV reporters fumble the questions

Features column

As a young boy, I often read about the Roman Empire and was especially enthralled by the stories of gladiators fighting to the death in the arena or helpless victims being fed to the lions. Where are their descendants today? Well, about 90,000-plus were attending the Alabama/Georgia State football game last week.

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GAMBLE: Not the guy I'd want at my pool party

Opinion column

I assume Hamilton, Ohio, is a nice middle-of-the-road values kind of place, probably the kind of the place to raise a family and enjoy summer cookouts. Well, that kind of place unless you live next door to Edwin Tobergta.

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GAMBLE: Chicken vet bills come home to roost

Opinion column

Thousands of people now have chickens as pets, with no intention of eating them or their eggs.

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GAMBLE: End coming to tattoo buyer's remorse in D.C.

Opinion column

There are those among us who believe that the city government of Washington, D.C., has not accomplished much in the last 30 years … except elect convicted crack-cocaine-using former Mayor Marion Barry to the City Council.

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GAMBLE: SEC down to business as usual

Features column

It is that time of year when I review all the SEC football teams, as one of them almost always will be the national champ, unless, of course, you are Vanderbilt, in which case Bowling Green has better odds.

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GAMBLE: Hannah image wasn't all Miley was shaking

Features column

GAMBLE: Hannah image wasn’t all Miley was shaking

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GAMBLE: A man, a wife, a dog and a decision

Features column

There may be no bond stronger than that of man and dog, except perhaps woman and dog. Man may be dog’s best friend, but it appears, at least to woman, dog ranks even higher.

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Trip to Sweden was educational

Opinion column

I once spent most of a summer in Sweden under the guise of attending a summer law school program there. I did not learn very much about the law, but the experience was nevertheless educational. Women were prone to swim at local town pools topless, which greatly increased the odds that I, too, would be lounging around the town pool on any given day.

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Don’t get run down getting fit

Features Column

Times are always changing and one generation is left behind while another takes over. What once was considered sacred becomes taboo and what once was considered ridiculous becomes the norm.

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I’m through with the drive-thru

Features Column

I see where the royal couple ignored my well-intentioned suggestion that they name the royal baby Junior and instead chose the predictable, boring name of George. They will live to regret missing the opportunity to bond with the unwashed and rednecks, further widening the gap between royals and the common folk.

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That’s Sir Junior to you, bubba!

Features Column

Finally, in an event I was awaiting with as much anticipation as next year’s curling championships, news comes that the royal baby has been born.

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ER’s a bad place to make a pitch

It seems the news is full of professional athletes acting bad, even some killing folks. Drug arrests, failed drug tests, beating their wives, DUIs ... you know, acting like folks in my neighborhood.

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‘Lone Ranger’ missing out on silver at the box office

Features Column

I see from press reports that the new movie “The Lone Ranger” is not doing as well as Disney hoped when first released. I guess that is an understatement, given that Disney estimates they may lose as much as $250 million on the production.

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Baby names get new direction

Features Column

As the Fourth of July is upon us, I recognize the great sacrifices made by our forefathers in establishing this greatest country on Earth. That is, of course, as opposed to all the great countries not on Earth. We have many ways to remember these historic men, monuments like the cleverly named Washington Monument. We spent a ton of money and years to make it and spent about 30 seconds naming it.

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Let’s keep that border secure, eh?

Features Column

Monday the U.S. Senate passed a bill to “toughen security” on its borders as part of a plan to then pass some type “path to citizenship for illegal aliens” (excuse me, undocumented immigrates or whatever they are called these days).

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Son gets big whiff of responsibility

Features column

The 8-year-old Hurricane boy was in a reflective mood. It is not often that a hurricane stops to reflect so I listened. “Dad, do you remember when I use to call the Piggly Wiggly the Pig Mart?”

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Federal Officials scouring Internet’s vast wasteland

Features Column

We now live in the enlightened age of electronic wonder, which means I can look you up on Facebook and find out that Publix no longer has the cheapest steaks and you messed up and bought them there before realizing that they were 40 cents a pound cheaper at Food Lion.

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Charlie Daniels still fiddlin’ hot

Features Column

This past weekend, I went to Wild Adventures with the wife, 8-year-old Hurricane boy and 9-year-old Princess.

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Common man’s buying guide

Features column

Recently I was reviewing a brochure with hundreds of tracts of land for sale and also the same number of houses.

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Possum gave country music meaning

Features Columnist

The 8-year-old Hurricane Boy has been strangely quiet as of late. Of course, that probably means a Category 5 eruption could be around the bend at any moment.

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Cop pull you over? Just be nice

Features column

Poor Reese Witherspoon. She spends all her life trying to develop a positive role model and then loses her cool with an Atlanta police officer.

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Rest easy, America, the FBI will handle it

Features Column

The late great Lewis Grizzard once wrote a book titled “Elvis is Dead and I Don’t Feel So Good Myself.” Well, I don’t feel so great myself, but don’t tell thousands of Elvis impersonators across the country that Elvis is dead. Every town with a population of at least 100,000 has an Elvis impersonator, and they even have a yearly contest to name the best each year.

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‘Fathead’ enters belly fat battle

Features Column

It never ceases to amaze me the lengths average Americans will go to avoid taking responsibility for their own lives.

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Sears' photo demise a negative development

Features Column

If you need any further proof that our society is crumbling at its core, I now read that Sears has decided to discontinue family portraits.

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Women at the Masters, change is coming

Features Column

By the time you read this article, one of the great events in America will have begun its annual destruction of egos of the greatest golfers in the world.

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Loyalty comes at the price of a rub

Features Column

I am by all accounts an avid dog lover. I’ve written about dogs, slept with dogs, confessed my soul to dogs, and sworn allegiance to my dog.

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