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T. Gamble

Stories by T.

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‘Lone Ranger’ missing out on silver at the box office

Features Column

I see from press reports that the new movie “The Lone Ranger” is not doing as well as Disney hoped when first released. I guess that is an understatement, given that Disney estimates they may lose as much as $250 million on the production.

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Baby names get new direction

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As the Fourth of July is upon us, I recognize the great sacrifices made by our forefathers in establishing this greatest country on Earth. That is, of course, as opposed to all the great countries not on Earth. We have many ways to remember these historic men, monuments like the cleverly named Washington Monument. We spent a ton of money and years to make it and spent about 30 seconds naming it.

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Let’s keep that border secure, eh?

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Monday the U.S. Senate passed a bill to “toughen security” on its borders as part of a plan to then pass some type “path to citizenship for illegal aliens” (excuse me, undocumented immigrates or whatever they are called these days).

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Son gets big whiff of responsibility

Features column

The 8-year-old Hurricane boy was in a reflective mood. It is not often that a hurricane stops to reflect so I listened. “Dad, do you remember when I use to call the Piggly Wiggly the Pig Mart?”

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Federal Officials scouring Internet’s vast wasteland

Features Column

We now live in the enlightened age of electronic wonder, which means I can look you up on Facebook and find out that Publix no longer has the cheapest steaks and you messed up and bought them there before realizing that they were 40 cents a pound cheaper at Food Lion.

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Charlie Daniels still fiddlin’ hot

Features Column

This past weekend, I went to Wild Adventures with the wife, 8-year-old Hurricane boy and 9-year-old Princess.

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Common man’s buying guide

Features column

Recently I was reviewing a brochure with hundreds of tracts of land for sale and also the same number of houses.

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Possum gave country music meaning

Features Columnist

The 8-year-old Hurricane Boy has been strangely quiet as of late. Of course, that probably means a Category 5 eruption could be around the bend at any moment.

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Cop pull you over? Just be nice

Features column

Poor Reese Witherspoon. She spends all her life trying to develop a positive role model and then loses her cool with an Atlanta police officer.

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Rest easy, America, the FBI will handle it

Features Column

The late great Lewis Grizzard once wrote a book titled “Elvis is Dead and I Don’t Feel So Good Myself.” Well, I don’t feel so great myself, but don’t tell thousands of Elvis impersonators across the country that Elvis is dead. Every town with a population of at least 100,000 has an Elvis impersonator, and they even have a yearly contest to name the best each year.

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‘Fathead’ enters belly fat battle

Features Column

It never ceases to amaze me the lengths average Americans will go to avoid taking responsibility for their own lives.

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Sears' photo demise a negative development

Features Column

If you need any further proof that our society is crumbling at its core, I now read that Sears has decided to discontinue family portraits.

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Women at the Masters, change is coming

Features Column

By the time you read this article, one of the great events in America will have begun its annual destruction of egos of the greatest golfers in the world.

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Loyalty comes at the price of a rub

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I am by all accounts an avid dog lover. I’ve written about dogs, slept with dogs, confessed my soul to dogs, and sworn allegiance to my dog.

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Rodman’s diplomacy has Sheen to it

Features Column

It has taken me several weeks to digest the news that Dennis Rodman recently visited the most closed-off nation in the world — North Korea.

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Letter to Santa a bid for biddies

Features Column

The letter was sweet and to the point, as are most letters written to Santa Claus.

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Just pick a card, any card

Opinion column

I am currently overwhelmed by the need of every business in America to learn every detail about my existence.

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Food insecurity whets my appetite

Newest government statistics indicate 40 percent of all Americans are now classified as obese — 88 percent if you are in Walmart.

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Being saddest city something to ‘wine’ about

Opinion column

I, like hundreds of people in south Georgia, was shocked to learn Albany was recently designated the No. 2 saddest city in America.

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Kids becoming prisoners of TV

New Zealand researchers recently reported the results of a study of 1,000 children and the affect long-term TV watching had on them. The study was published in the medical journal Pediatrics.

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Where’s the swimsuit?

Features column

It is now official. Spring will be arriving in six weeks.

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Big game has strange model behavior

Features column

I like 200 million other American citizens and 50 million illegal aliens, sat down Sunday night anxious to witness the biggest event of the year.

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Arming New Yorkers might help

Features column

Well, it took a few years but we finally have the great gun debate going on throughout the land. Ban them all or keep them all; depends on whether you live in Dawson, Georgia or New York City as to where you fall on the issue.

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Wanted: One adventurous woman

In case the Taliban and Al Franken aren’t enough to worry about, Harvard Professor George Church recently announced he wishes to clone a Neanderthal man.

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Armstrong apology won’t clear the ledger

I would like to go on record stating I have never used performance enhancing drugs in my life. I now feel secure that no one will try to reclaim my “Spirit Award” trophy, “Most Improved Player” award trophy or my “Hustle” award, all obtained drug-free. Who knows? If I had chosen to use steroids, I might now have a trophy room full of Team Spirit awards.

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Resolutions are made to be broken

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With the arrival of the New Year comes also the arrival of broken New Year's Resolutions. Probably top on the list is any dietary pledge ever made, from cutting back on drinking to quitting fried food to regular exercise. We make 'em and then we break 'em.

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Next title’s in the oven for Auburn

Ah, the new year has now begun, and I would be remiss if I did not comment on my beloved Auburn Tigers and their decision to suspend football for the past 2012 football season.

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Motivational speaker tells of Vegas secret

Well, the holidays always bring a surprise or two but thankfully not nearly as large a surprise as Suzy Favor Hamilton revealed.

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Motivational speaker tells of Vegas secret

Features column

Well, the holidays always bring a surprise or two but thankfully not nearly as large a surprise as Suzy Favor Hamilton revealed.

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Ovens for boys a half-baked idea

Features Column

In the never ending effort to pretend that everyone is exactly the same and to prove that no one can say anything about anybody without being either prejudiced, stereotyping, or profiling, I see where a petition has been made to Easy- Bake Oven to include boys on their boxes in advertising.

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I am thankful for Parton and being an American

Features column

Well, Thanksgiving has now come and gone but reasons for being thankful continue. I’m first thankful to read that Dolly Parton has now come forward and denied rumors and allegations that she is gay.

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Thankful for the love of an Angel

Opinion column

It was love at first sight, at least for her. But who could blame her staring intently back at me? After all, what’s not to love? Dark raven black hair, steely dark eyes, and an anxious gaze of anticipation all told me this would be a match made in heaven.

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Election’s done; have a slice of fruitcake

Opinion Column

Well, the presidential election has finally ended, and now you will no longer be entertained by an avalanche of ads.

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Maybe America won’t miss a beat

By the time this article is read, the presidential election will be decided. I can’t possibly predict the results, but it got me to reflecting back to simpler times when I was a much younger man.

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Come this Wednesday, let the horror scenarios begin

Opinion Column

I traveled this past weekend to Hilton Head to visit my wife’s relatives. The 7-year-old Hurricane boy and 9-year-old princess found out we were leaving for the beach and ran the car down before I could get out of the driveway.

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Here’s some change you can believe in

Opinion Column

Two weeks ago, France celebrated one of its great achievements in history. No, it was not the fact they managed to last 10 days before Germany routed them in World War II, nor was it celebrating the French 32-hour work week and 54 weekly paychecks in a 52-week year. Those accomplishments are already being continually celebrated in France while the Germans work overtime to pay so the French do not have to work.

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Brother, can you spare a tire?

Features column

It is now official. America is going to hell in a handbasket. This fact is very disturbing and it may even be more serious than I know because, to tell you the truth, I don’t know what in the world going to hell in a handbasket really means to begin with.

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What the doom was I just saying?

Features column

The 7-year-old Hurricane boy is currently playing football in a tackle football league. He’s playing what we use to refer to as midget football. I guess it is no longer politically correct to say midget football and I’m not sure what I am supposed to call the game he is playing.

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Money makes world go round

The 9-year-old princess girl was expounding on the qualities she felt essential in a marriage partner. “He’d need to be caring, daddy, and a good person. He’d need to love animals and love God, too, daddy.” I could feel a tear building up in my eye. The sweet, sensitive, all caring little princess then finished with the grand finale, the clincher, “and own a bunch of land and be rich too.”

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No crown required when I get to a retirement home

As all men know, time marches on. Although I do not consider myself old, I realize that somewhere down the line I may be faced with the prospect placement in a nursing home or as more fashionably titled these days, an assisted living home.

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Kate joins the royal nudity club

Just when I thought Prince Harry and the British Royal Family were through with further public humiliations, the news is now abuzz that Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, and commonly known as Kate, has been photographed topless.

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Prince Harry and Auburn fans are facing hard times

As described in a previous article, Prince Harry of Britain romped in the buff throughout Las Vegas and used the judgment of Lindsey Lohan allowing one of the women with him to take pictures of the joyful occasion.

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Prince’s Vegas ‘secret’ gets bared

It was some time ago when the 7-year-old hurricane boy was not quite yet six. We were visiting an old friend, both in his age and the years we’d shared together.

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Women at Augusta National?

I recently read the following headline from U.S. News & World Report concerning an article by Health Day reporter Alan Mozes. The headline read, “College Students Who Binge Drink Say They’re Happier.”

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If you must drink too much, wear pants

There are many mysteries in the universe for which there seems to be no answer. How did they build the great pyramids and why?

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Wholesome TV just a pipe dream now

Recently I read where Don Grady, the actor who played the character Robbie on the long-running TV series “My Three Sons,” died.

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Cussing works across the generations

As a general rule, I do not spend much time envying what someone else has. I must admit, however, I do envy those rare guys who keep all their tools neatly aligned in their shop.

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Family pet decides fate of baby goose

The 8-year-old princess girl has been on a real rampage to salvage the world. The princess would make Sally Struthers look like a cold-hearted grinch.

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San Fran laws strips away modesty

The beautiful city of San Francisco, Calif., which gave us such wonderful treasures as Nancy Pelosi and America’s first Gay Day Parade, has now added another feather in its hat. It seems that San Francisco, by law, allows anyone to walk the public streets of San Francisco in the nude and to enter any business establishment that serves the public, nude as well.

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Maybe there's an award for the most trophies

Last week, I went down to Destin, Fla., to attend the Georgia Press Association's awards dinner. The awards dinner is designed to give awards to newspapers for excellence in coverage, articles written, editorials, etc. I was a beneficiary of one of the awards and will not bore you with the details. Rather, I noticed a growing trend concerning awards.