The world is a very strange place to live these days. Dawson, Georgia, is an even stranger place to live. That could be because I live there, I’m not sure. But I read last week where a Marlborough, Mass., father may live in a place even stranger than where I live.
It appears Mr. Nate Roman left his house with his 5-year-old son for a few hours. When he returned, someone had broken into his home and ... cleaned it. Yep, Old Nate says, “It just was arranged really in a creepy way.” That is bachelor speech for the dishes were clean and put in the cabinets and last week’s underwear was no longer on the floor. Nate said the house smelled of bleach and, get this, the beds were made. To top it off, the toilet paper in his bathroom had been adorned with a neatly folded rose.
To be completely honest, I did not know you could fold a rose, much less neatly. I may need to speak to my wife about that as I do not ever recall seeing a neatly folded rose in my bathroom. I consider it a big win if there is a toilet paper roll in the bathroom at all. I have seen a few scented rolls that may smell like roses, although for the life of me I have never understood exactly why they were scented. I have no idea what I would do with a rose if it were left in the bathroom.
Roman says they cleaned every room but the kitchen. Well now, I am glad these cleaning burglars at least have some level of dignity. I can see it now: “I will clean every room in the house, but I will not, under any circumstances, tackle the seven-day-old dishes in the sink. I will instead leave a rose in the bathroom.”
Roman was concerned someone might be in the house and called the police.
I don’t really know about old Roman. If I came home and the house was cleaned, including a rose in the bathroom, I’d probably agree to let whoever was there stay for free. If it were a male, my wife would almost certainly divorce me immediately and marry the cleaning bandit. I consider loading the dishwasher worthy of the Medal of Honor. I do have one thing in common with the cleaning burglar. I won’t clean the kitchen either.
Roman says he may have left his back door unlocked, leading to the cleaning bandit striking. If I were Roman, I would remove my back door and hope before long my home was adorned with flowers throughout.
Only in America ... only in America.