CREEDE HINSHAW: British maintain firm grasp on Ethiopian history

Editor’s Note: Due to a malfunction (on the editor’s part) Creede Hinshaw’s column that was scheduled for publication Friday got lost in the mix. The editor regrets the error.

A bit of history: The British Empire ransacked a fortress in Ethiopia in 1868, according to a fascinating article in the Wall Street Journal (“British Museum Digs In on Empire’s Loot” Saturday-Sunday March 25-26, pg. 9). Among the many items pillaged included a lock of the dead Ethiopian emperor’s hair and a collection of sacred wood icons called Tabots.

These Tabots are considered so holy that only Ethiopian priests can view them. The British Museum stores the icons in a windowless basement room and refuses to return them to Ethiopia.

Here is an imaginary negotiation between the British Museum and Ethiopian Church officials, based on information gleaned in the above cited article:

Ethiopian Church: Return to us our sacred Tabots. You’ve had them almost 175 years. We are the rightful owners of these invaluable icons.

British Museum: We’re keeping them safe for you. Don’t worry; we won’t let anything happen to them. And we’d be happy to lend them to you from time to time.

Ethiopian Church: We can protect them ourselves, thank you. And how can you justify lending to us what you stole from us when you ransacked our fort?

British Museum: Yes, we’re rather sorry for that bit of history. You chaps should never have made us angry back then, but maybe our troops got a little carried away. At any rate, we’ve protected these Tabots for all these years in our climate-controlled basement. You should appreciate our stewardship.

Ethiopian Church: We should thank you for stealing our Tabots from us?

British Museum: Settle down. You’re far too excitable, which is probably why God has allowed us to protect your things for you. Anyway, we passed a British law making it illegal to return the stuff we’ve looted from around the globe. But we will generously allow your priests to come to our basement whenever they want to examine your (Oops!), I mean “our,” Tabots. Just ask us permission using the phrase “pretty please with sugar on top.”

Ethiopian Church: We’ve been discussing this with you for 10 years. Other museums around the world are returning looted items. Why can’t you do the same?

British Museum: To be candid, we’d love to give you these insignificant pieces of wood. They’ve caused us nothing but trouble. But as soon as we give them back, those irritating Greeks will demand we return the marble we borrowed from the Parthenon. And the rabble will be lined up around the block for us to return their stuff, too.

Ethiopian Church: Well, what about the Tabot on display in Westminster Abbey? Can we at least have it back?

British Museum: Sorry, lads. That Tabot is owned by King Charles III. You’ll have to take it up with his highness. And he’s a pretty busy king these days.

Ethiopian Church: So that’s the end of the conversation?

British Museum: Look, we returned your dead emperor’s hair, proving we’re enlightened and magnanimous. We knew all along we should have kept that hair. You people are never satisfied.