T GAMBLE: Daylight Saving Time keeps battery workers in jobs

Once again I have been robbed of an hour’s sleep as Daylight Saving Time has begun yet again. I’ve read all about how this time-change idea first evolved and still don’t know exactly what was being accomplished by it all. They say it saves electricity because when you get home it is later in the day and you won’t run the lights as long, so you only need one hour of lights if you go to bed at 10 instead of two hours of lights if darkness begins at 8 instead of 9. Of course, if you get up early the next day you need extra hours of light because the sun isn’t up yet so what the world is that all about?

Well, I can live with the change, but now I see where many states may pass a law to institute either standard time or Daylight Saving Time. Some states are considering standard time as the traditional time. That probably can’t hold, as anything these days that is traditional must be racist or discriminatory against LGBT people. So I suppose only Daylight Saving Time will survive. But whatever time is chosen, I am very concerned. How will I know when to change the batteries in my smoke alarm if we quit changing the time?

People all over America will burn up in fires because they did not change their batteries in their smoke alarm. Unchanged TV remotes will quit working, which will increase the murder rate in most major cities. Yes, a little-known fact is that many murders are the result of marital discord over the remote control. A man who cannot find the remote is a fairly dangerous man. Rage soon manifests itself. A man trying to make the remote work, clicking over and over, without result is a walking time bomb. Well, more accurately, a sitting time bomb in front of a TV with the Joe Namath Medicare commercial playing without a way to turn it off. Desperate times for desperate measures soon occur.

Yes, before you know it, there is a new episode on channel 192 of a man killing his wife and burying her body in the swamp, because you know who gets the blame if the remote is not working. Sales will plummet as people will now wait to change their batteries when the battery-powered product actually needs them. Massive layoffs will be the result. America will be full of unemployed battery workers. The prisons will be full. Homeowner insurance will skyrocket.

I can’t be a part of an America like that. So join me in opposing a set, one-time-only. I prefer to be sleepy half the year and able to stay out partying when the time changes for the other half.